


Feanor's Daycare Home for the Lost and Weary

by narijeminie



Series: Feel Good Series [1]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Found Family, Gen, Healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narijeminie/pseuds/narijeminie
Summary: Feanor only agreed to help the Valar out of the "goodness" of his heart and sheer curiosity. He did not expect that the Valar wanted him to stay in a house taking care of fourteen children who either hate him or fear him, there is no in-between. Feanor thinks that this arrangement is more than what he bargained for.
Relationships: Beleg Cúthalion & Gwindor, Celebrían & Fëanor | Curufinwë, Finduilas Faelivrin & Gwindor, Gelmir of Nargothrond & Gwindor, Gelmir of Nargothrond & Maeglin | Lomion, Nimrodel & Mithrellas
Series: Feel Good Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916881
Comments: 16
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is after the ringbearers are in Valinor

The Feanturi and their sister watched as Maedhros left the Halls of the Mandos;

“The last of his house has finally found healing,” Irmo said.

“Except for one,” Namo said.

“I believe that he is healing when his children are healed; he accomplished what we could not,” Nienna said.

“Indeed,” Irmo said.

“There are others still in the halls who have not found healing,” Namo said.

“Even outside, there are those who still dream and find negative meanings to the dreams I sent to comfort them.” Irmo said.

“That I know; we try but they have not found healing with our ways,” Nienna said.

Irmo looked at Nienna;

“You have a plan,” Irmo said.

“Indeed, and you will help me,” Nienna said.

“Anything, sister,” Irmo said.

“Anything,” Namo said.

Feanor was in the Halls of Mandos, looking for something to do and talk with now that his son left the Halls. He saw Finwe who approached him and embraced him. They were about to head to the Halls of Vaire to visit Miriel when they were stopped by Namo and Nienna.

“Feanaro, may we speak with you?” Namo asked.

“Yes; there’s nothing I can do anyway,” Feanor said.

Finwe headed to the Halls of Vaire as Feanor followed Namo and Nienna to the Halls of Nienna.

“Your sons and grandson are now out of the halls,” Nienna said.

“Yes,”

“All thanks to you,” Nienna said, looking at Feanor.

“What is this about?” Feanor asked.

“We realize that to heal, one must know love and care; one must empathize and sympathize with them,” Nienna said.

“What does that have to do with me?” Feanor asked.

“You have been able to empathize with them, you understand them, and you sympathize with them in ways that we cannot,” Namo said.

Feanor laughed;

“You are asking me for help?” Feanor asked.

“Yes, we wish to ask for your help in healing the fëar of those who still remain in the halls,” Nienna said.

Feanor laughed; Namo and Nienna waited for him to stop laughing;

“What is in it for me?” Feanor asked.

“You will no longer reside in my halls; you will now join my sister and her maiar in aiding the lost and weary fëar. We agreed to create a place where the fëar can feel like they are in my brother’s gardens before they will leave and be ready to be reembodied,” Namo said.

“It is your choice,” Nienna said.

“I know it is; it is funny that you come to me,” Feanor said.

“You understand them better for you too, felt lost and weary. You found healing with the love you have for your children. Unlike you, we do not feel the way you do,” Nienna said.

“It is not hard for you to admit?” Feanor asked.

“No, for it is true; we are glad to see that you found healing and others whom you hurt have found healing; however, there are still those who have not found healing and we hope that with you there, they can be healed,” Nienna said.

Feanor looked at Nienna and Namo;

“Why me?” Feanor asked.

“Your love is strong, Feanaro. You love deeply and that love helped those who are grieving be comforted. Most of all, despite all the judgment of others and what your children have done, you never stopped loving them. You are mighty but your greatest strength is you, being a father. You became a father despite having a difficult childhood. You did not let your children feel the way you felt,” Nienna said.

Feanor looked down;

“Thank you; I will think on it,” Feanor said.

Nienna bowed as Namo took Feanor back in the halls of Mandos. Namo left Feanor alone; Feanor sighed; he headed to the Halls of Vaire where he saw his parents. His mother petitioned that he and Finwe be allowed to enter her work room and her petition was granted. Feanor waited at the door as he saw his parents looking at his mother’s loom together. Finwe looked up first;

“My son, look, Nelyo is with his siblings,” Finwe said.

Feanor approached them and looked at the loom. Miriel looked at Feanor with a smile. Feanor held her hand and looked at the loom showing his family together and were smiling happily. Feanor looked down when he felt a kiss on his hand.

“I am so proud of you,” Miriel said.

“Thank you, amme,” Feanor said.

Miriel stood up as Finwe looked at the other looms in Miriel’s work room that held other family members. She brought Feanor aside and took his hands in hers.

“Vaire told me that Lord Namo and his siblings have plans for you,” Miriel said.

“They do; they told me earlier,” Feanor said.

“They need healing that the Valar cannot provide. They do not understand our feelings; you, my son, are good. Let this be your chance so others can see what I see in you. You are good and full of love; share this love with others who need it too,” Miriel said.

Feanor kissed her hand; Finwe approached them and wrapped his arms around Miriel.

“I know that I am not a perfect father…”

“No one is,” Feanor said.

“Yes; I am not a good example but you were able to do what I could not with your children. Your love healed their fëar and your love healed the rift they have for one another. Your love for your children healed the rift in our family while I created that rift.” Finwe said.

“Atar, we have forgiven you,” Feanor said.

“Yes, you forgave me because you love me and you love your children. Others will say you love me and your silmarils more but that is not true...let your love heal those who need it.” Finwe said.

Feanor smiled and held his parents’ faces. He embraced them then let them go.

“I will provide the help they need; this is no longer my place;” Feanor said.

“Indeed; your place is helping those in need,” Miriel said.

They embraced Feanor tightly; he left the work room and called for Namo.

“Have you made a decision?” Namo asked.

“I have; I will help you,” Feanor said.

Namo bowed his head;

Feanor looked up at the home the maiar set up for him; he was helping them with the design and the building process. He even named it as, “ _Lumbamar_ ”. He saw the Feanturi and Nienna looking at the home he built. Irmo was smiling at him as Nienna had tears in her eyes and Namo looked serious.

“We start small,” Namo said.

“What do you mean?” Feanor asked.

“You will care for fourteen fëar first…” Namo was cut off by Feanor.

“Fourteen?!”

“Indeed;” Namo said.

Feanor clenched his fists;

“They are lost and weary fëar, they take the form of children when they are in the bounds of Lumbamar. Some of them dream while others come from the halls,” Irmo said.

“Do I at least know who they are?” Feanor asked.

“Yes; you have seen them in your mother’s loom,” Nienna said.

“Will they trust me?” Feanor asked.

The three did not reply; Feanor sighed;

“Do they know that they will stay here?” Feanor asked.

“Yes; expect them when Arien rises,” Nienna said.

“Do they remember?” Feanor asked.

“Of course; that is why, they need you,” Nienna said, heading in the home.

Feanor watched the siblings enter the home; Feanor looked up at the sky and saw that the sun was setting, and the moon was rising. When he entered the home after the three left, he saw the names of the eleven who will join him in Lumbamar; their names were placed on the doors of the rooms.

“Nimrodel, Mithrellas, Gaeldes, Maeglin Lomion, Ecthelion, Penlod, Duilin, Rog, Beleg Cuthalion, Gwindor, and Gelmir.” Feanor stopped;

“Namo said fourteen and these are eleven; what about the other three?” Feanor asked.

“The other three, my lord, are those who were reembodied or are staying in Valinor yet dream of pain and suffering,”

Feanor turned around and saw one of Nienna’s maiar, Olorin; Olorin bowed; he looked up and his eyes were twinkling with excitement.

“Amme showed me what you accomplished in Arda, I commend you,” Feanor said.

“Thank you, my lord but it is not only me who accomplished such a feat,” Olorin said.

“I know; how are the mortal ringbearers?” Feanor asked.

“They are doing well, my lord. Your sons are treating them well; they are now awaiting the arrival of their friends,” Olorin said.

“That is good to hear,” Feanor said.

“I am curious how you did it, my lord,” Olorin said.

“How I did what?” Feanor asked.

“You healed your sons and grandson when others cannot,” Olorin said.

Feanor chuckled;

“What do you think? I made them feel how much I love them; Understand Olorin, we did what we did before because of love; I love my father and sought to avenge him. My children hoped to avenge me because they love me. They suffered because of the pain caused by their love for me. The only thing I can do for them is to provide the love I have for them. Only love can heal the pain love caused; that is how I did it. I only hope that whatever plan your masters have, it will work.” Feanor said.

Olorin smiled; he brought his hand out; Feanor looked at it and took it.

“May Eru bless you, my lord,” Olorin said.

He bowed and left the home; Feanor blinked when Olorin left. Feanor sighed and went to sleep, knowing that it will be a long day ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

Feanor awoke and went down the stairs to cook breakfast when he saw three boys sitting around the dining table. The ones with dark hair looked alike that Feanor was sure they were brothers while the other one had silver hair. The one with silver hair approached him.

“Lady Nienna said we will be staying here from now on,” The silver-haired boy said.

“Yes…you must be Beleg?” Feanor asked, remembering the Sinda who was there when they got the silmaril from Carcharoth’s stomach.

“Yes; these are Gwindor and Gelmir, they are brothers…you are Feanor,” Beleg said.

“Yes, I am.” Feanor said.

Gwindor, the older boy with dark hair looked at Feanor and glared;

“You killed the Teleri,” He said.

“It was an accident; since you will live with me now, better that you know the truth and my intentions; but first, have you eaten?” Feanor asked.

Beleg looked at Gwindor who shrugged; the two looked at Feanor who headed to the kitchen. Feanor thought about Gelmir who did not look at him, only looking up when he spoke, not even looking at his eyes and Feanor caught a glimpse of his eyes before Gelmir bowed his head. Beleg followed Feanor to the kitchen, asking him how he can help Feanor.

‘Why is this boy here? He doesn’t seem to need my help,’ Feanor thought as Beleg was telling him that it has been a long time since they last ate.

“Can you carry this jug there?” Feanor asked, getting the water jug and passing the jug to Beleg who carried it with one hand then another.

“It is heavy,” Beleg said, his face turning red from exerting effort.

He walked to the dining table where Gwindor helped him but Beleg dropped the jug, gasping. He looked at his hands that were shaking as Gwindor grabbed cloth and wiped the water.

“Are you all right?” Feanor asked, looking at Beleg as he picked up the water jug and placed it on the table.

“I do not understand;” Beleg said, looking up at Feanor.

“We are children, Beleg, we are not grown.” Gwindor said.

“You are not used to it, yet. You were just fëa before; here, you are with hröa, however, it has been yéni since you last had a hröa. I experienced the same thing before,” Feanor said.

Beleg frowned as he sat down, clenching then unclenching his fists. Feanor placed plates with utensils in front of the three. He watched as Gwindor took Gelmir’s hands and placed the spoon and fork. Feanor was watching them as he got food for himself. He saw Gwindor look at Gelmir with sad eyes as Feanor passed food for Beleg.

Feanor was busy thinking about how to relate with these three boys when he noticed Gwindor glancing at him as Beleg was busy tasting the food.

“What is it?” Feanor asked.

“Why are you here? Why were you chosen by Lady Nienna and her brothers? You are evil; how can you help us?” Gwindor asked.

“To be honest, I do not even know how to help you. Lady Nienna said I can sympathize with you and empathize, that is why they chose me to start this place,” Feanor said.

Gwindor frowned;

“How can you sympathize with us?” Gwindor asked.

“You are lost; I know how that feels like,” Feanor said.

Beleg looked at Feanor with a pout as Gwindor looked serious.

“We are not lost! We only came here because Lady Nienna said so! We do not need you,” Gwindor said.

“You are free to go; nobody is stopping you; just think though, by leaving, you disagree with those three,” Feanor said.

Gwindor frowned;

“Why you?” Gwindor asked in a whisper.

“You remember what they told us when they brought us here; we need healing; he brought healing to his sons and grandson when the Valar could not. They were unable to provide healing for us…maybe he can;” Beleg said.

“We do not need healing; we just need to get back to Valinor, to our families; come on, toron,” Gwindor held Gelmir who dropped the spoon and fork, heading out.

Beleg sighed;

“I am sorry about that,” Beleg said, looking at Feanor.

“I am not surprised that they would run away from me.” Feanor said.

“I trust the Valar with their choice,” Beleg said.

“Curious,” Feanor said.

“With what?” Beleg asked.

“You; you are far older than me; you know a lot of things and yet, you are here,” Feanor said.

“Maybe because you are right; I am lost, and I do not know where to begin to find my way. I hope that by staying here, I will find my way; that is why I trust their choice; I believe that by spending time here with you and the others, I will find my way.” Beleg said.

Feanor looked up when he heard Gwindor calling for Gelmir. He looked at the doorway and saw Gelmir, touching the doorway. Feanor stood up and held Gelmir’s hand. Gelmir looked scared at first then he relaxed;

“I trust the Valar,” Gelmir said.

Feanor looked up and saw Gwindor sigh; Gwindor approached Feanor and Gelmir;

“I do not like you but if my brother is here, I will stay,” Gwindor said.

He led Gelmir back to eat with Beleg who looked at Feanor before joining the brothers. Feanor sighed as he looked outside;

‘How do I even start helping them?’ Feanor asked himself.

He looked in the dining room and saw the three eating together happily;

“At least they like your food, my lord,”

Feanor glared when he saw Olorin at the doorway;

“You should knock to make your presence known,” Feanor said.

Olorin smiled at him;

“I am here to tell you that two others will arrive,” Olorin said.

“Which of the eleven?” Feanor asked.

“You will see, my lord,” Olorin said, approaching the three.

“I am glad to see you here; I would like to inform you that two others will join you; the rest will be joining you soon,” Olorin said.

“Who are they? Do we know them?” Gwindor asked.

“No; they are younger than you. Please take care of them and help Lord Feanaro,” Olorin said.

Gwindor looked at Olorin and nodded;

“Maybe you can show them their rooms?” Olorin asked Feanor.

“After they finish eating,” Feanor said, frowning at Olorin.

“Of course;” Olorin bowed and left;

“Are you finished?” Feanor asked, seeing the empty plates.

“Yes,” Gwindor said.

Feanor got the bowls, plates and utensils; he headed to the kitchen to wash the plates.

“You wash plates?” Gwindor asked.

“I do; why?” Feanor asked.

“Nothing; I did not expect you to do menial tasks,” Gwindor said mockingly.

“Can I help?” Beleg asked, looking up at Feanor.

Feanor looked at Beleg and nodded;

“You can dry them and place them on the rack,” Feanor said.

Beleg nodded; he pushed the chair and climbed on it, grabbing the drying cloth. Gwindor watched them as Gelmir was busy tapping the table.

“Do you know who the two will be?” Beleg asked as he placed the plate on the table to dry it then placed it on the rack.

“I have no clue; there will be eight others who will stay with you. You might know some of them; their rooms are upstairs,” Feanor said.

Beleg looked at Feanor then looked up;

“If you are curious, you can go; I can handle it,” Feanor said.

“Thank you,” Beleg got down the chair.

“Come,” Beleg said, taking Gelmir’s hand.

“Wait for me,” Gwindor said, following the two.

Feanor sighed; he could hear Gwindor read out the names of their companions. Feanor thought about putting the nameplates with their Sindarin translation and help Gelmir read the names. He was cleaning up when he heard screaming outside. He opened the door and saw two girls with a maia of Namo, When the girl with gold hair saw Feanor, she screamed harder and tried to run away. The other girl tried to calm her down, calling her “Nimrodel”.

“They are now in your care,” The maia left;

Nimrodel then took the other girl’s hand and they ran away; Feanor exhaled;

“By the Valar, how can I make this work?” Feanor asked himself.

He looked up and saw the other girl take hold of Nimrodel and comforting her. They were talking as Nimrodel was crying. Feanor looked behind him and saw Beleg, Gwindor and Gelmir standing on the steps of the staircase. Feanor took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.

“They are trying me, they are trying me,” Feanor muttered.

He then saw the two girls head back to the house;

“I am Mithrellas and this is Nimrodel;” The girl with the brown hair said.

“You are the reason my family is dead, and my home destroyed; you do not deserve to live!” Nimrodel growled;

“Nimrodel,” Mithrellas said.

“Do not worry, I get that a lot; we are still in the Halls of Waiting only in Nienna’s halls; you have the choice to leave this place if you do not like my presence,” Feanor said.

Nimrodel made a face at Feanor;

“Would you like to come in?” Feanor asked.

“Do we have a choice?” Nimrodel asked.

“Yes; you always have a choice; you knew that I would be here, you could have said no. you can leave if you do not like me,” Feanor said.

“Let us go,” Nimrodel said, pulling Mithrellas who shook her head;

“I want to stay; I do not want to go back there; there was nothing there;” Mithrellas said.

Nimrodel looked betrayed as Mithrellas stepped inside; Beleg smiled and approached Mithrellas who smiled at them and took Beleg’s hand. Beleg pulled Mithrellas up the stairs; she looked back at Nimrodel who was looking up at Feanor angrily.

“Do not worry; come, I will show you to your room; these are Gwindor and Gelmir,” Beleg said.

Feanor looked at Mithrellas who headed up the stairs with the three boys.

“She is not betraying you; she only made her choice; you are free to make your own,” Feanor said, looking back at Nimrodel.

“You gave me no choice when you ruined my home,” Nimrodel said.

“How did I ruin your home?” Feanor asked.

“You brought your wars in my home…because of you, my home was destroyed, my family was killed; you led those orcs to my home and got everyone killed. You do not deserve to live!” Nimrodel exclaimed, hitting Feanor wherever she can reach. Feanor held Nimrodel’s hands and placed them down as she cried. He knelt down and looked at Nimrodel who would not look at him.

“I am sorry your home was destroyed; however, those orcs were not my fault. They are the work of Morgoth. I am sorry you suffered because of those wars. I cannot make it right but, I hope you will give me this chance of helping you heal. Please, allow me to do what I was asked; will you let me?” Feanor asked.

Nimrodel looked at Feanor with anger in her eyes; she then nodded;

“I agree but that does not mean I like you,” Nimrodel said, shrugging off Feanor’s hand and stomping up the stairs to follow Mithrellas and the three boys.

Feanor sighed; he headed up the stairs and saw the five gathered in the library. He watched as they were talking together; Beleg and Gwindor were taking the lead in the conversation. He headed down the stairs and went to the kitchen to look for food to make for them. He heard footsteps and did not mind the group. He felt a tap on his back and he looked behind him and saw Mithrellas.

“Yes?” Feanor asked.

“Your books upstairs…” Mithrellas asked.

“I wrote some of them; I asked the maiar to transfer them here; do you wish to read them?” Feanor asked.

Mithrellas nodded;

“I will try to translate them for you,” Feanor said with a smile.

Mithrellas smiled back;

“I am sorry about Nimrodel,” Mithrellas said.

“You should not apologize; she did nothing wrong. I expected as much,” Feanor said.

“Mithrellas,” Mithrellas saw Beleg call her.

“I am glad to see you get along,” Feanor said.

Mithrellas smiled;

“We were brought here together; maybe being together with them will help us,” Mithrellas said.

Feanor smiled at her as she followed Beleg;

“At least someone is all right with this arrangement,” Feanor said, looking at the vegetables he would use for dinner.

He suddenly heard a knock on the door; he opened the door and saw Olorin with four boys; Olorin was also carrying a bag with him.

“My lord, these are…”

“I know who they are;” Feanor said.

“We only agreed to this because Lady Nienna and Lord Namo told us that this would be good for us,” Penlod said.

“You will be staying with others while you are here,” Feanor said, stepping aside to let them in.

The four looked at Feanor disapprovingly as they entered the home. Gwindor, Gelmir and Beleg happily greeted them as Mithrellas and Nimrodel looked at them curiously. Beleg introduced the four boys to Mithrellas and Nimrodel.

“How are you?” Olorin asked.

Feanor made a face at Olorin; Olorin smiled;

“You will get used to it, my lord,” Olorin said.

Feanor sighed;

“I have something for you,” Olorin said, passing the bag to Feanor.

Feanor opened the bag and saw books;

“Lord Namo and Lady Nienna gathered information regarding your charges. Tomorrow, lady Nienna would meet with you here and discuss things further. Please, just continue to try,” Olorin said.

“You are testing me, are you not?” Feanor asked.

Olorin chuckled;

“No, my lord. It is only the beginning but sooner or later, you will get used to it as they will. They agreed and chose to trust the decision of Lady Nienna and Lord Namo. You are still testing things out.” Olorin said.

Feanor nodded;

“Thank you for bringing them here,” Feanor said.

Olorin bowed; he held Feanor’s shoulder before leaving. Feanor headed to the kitchen and left the children alone. He placed the bag atop the shelf where the children cannot reach. He curiously got a book and read the contents.

Beleg was telling the newcomers that he had a hard time carrying the jug of water.

“I am still not used to this body,” Rog said.

“Why are we children?” Duilin asked.

“Lady Nienna said we are children because that is the time we felt happy and free,” Ecthelion said.

“Why did you agree with this?” Gwindor asked.

“Do you really think we will disagree with the Valar?” Penlod asked.

“You are here because you were told by Lady Nienna and Lord Namo?” Mithrellas asked.

“Yes; we follow the Valar,” Penlod said aloud, looking where Feanor went.

“That is not why we are here; Lady Nienna and Lord Namo told us that we needed healing and they cannot give us the healing we need. They do not understand us but they hope that someone who was lost and weary can sympathize with us. He helped those who were lost and weary and they are now in Valinor, back to the arms of their family.” Mithrellas said.

“That is what they told me too; the Sons of Feanor are notoriously lost and in need of healing; the fact that they are now out of the halls means that the way of Feanor works well and I am willing to try,” Beleg said.

“Do you know what he did?” Duilin asked.

“We do but he has been forgiven; if the Valar chose him for this, it means that he has been healed and forgiven;” Beleg said.

“I do not like him, but he is correct; Morgoth is the reason my home was destroyed, and those orcs are present. He is the one at fault; I will never forgive him.” Nimrodel said.

“Those monsters are everyone’s enemies,” Ecthelion said.

Suddenly, Feanor appeared; he knelt down in front of Ecthelion and embraced him, shocking him while Duilin, Rog and Penlod looked alert.

“Well done,” Feanor said, smiling happily at Ecthelion.

“Well done for what?” Ecthelion asked.

“You killed my murderer; thank you,” Feanor said.

Ecthelion smiled awkwardly;

“You are welcome, my lord,” Ecthelion said.

“In here, you can call me Feanaro;” Feanor smiled at Ecthelion and headed back to the kitchen.

The nine children looked at Feanor’s back as he left for the kitchen.

“What was that?” Rog asked.

“I did not expect to be embraced by him,” Ecthelion said.

“Are you all right?” Duilin asked.

“I am; that felt really…nice,” Ecthelion said.

“WHAT?!” His friends from Gondolin exclaimed.

“It is the truth;” Ecthelion said.

Gelmir sniffed the air;

“That smells good,” Gelmir whispered to Gwindor.

“It does,” Gwindor said, smiling at Gelmir.

The children flocked to the kitchen where they saw Feanor reading as he was holding a wooden spoon. Beleg and Mithrellas approached him as the others sat around the dining table.

“Can we help in any way?” Mithrellas asked.

Feanor looked at the two;

“You can set the table,” Feanor said.

Beleg and Mithrellas got the plates and utensils; Mithrellas was shaking as she lifted the plates when Nimrodel helped her. Mithrellas smiled as the other boys helped Beleg and her. The group was surprised when they saw the bread on the table.

“Impossible; how do you know how to make them?” Duilin asked.

“I was taught by my amme and by my wife,” Feanor said.

“How? I thought Lady…Queen Miriel died when you were young,” Rog said.

“Yes, but she left me the recipe; it was easy to follow; my sons also know how to make this. I hope you like it; I would not have it any other way,” Feanor said.

“But it is said that only women know how to make lembas,” Penlod said.

“I guess my amme saw that my house would not have any female descendants so she decided that I should learn and my wife had enough foresight to teach my sons as well,” Feanor said.

The children looked at each other as they saw Feanor stare at the table;

“You can eat together,” Feanor said, leaving the children.

“I think you hurt his feelings,” Beleg said.

“How should I know?” Penlod asked.

Mithrellas hummed;

“This is delicious and different from the lembas I am used to,” Mithrellas said.

The boys and Nimrodel tried out the bread;

“You are correct, this is delicious. When did he find time to make this? He was busy welcoming us and cooking earlier,” Gwindor said.

“I guess we will never know,” Ecthelion said.

Gwindor sighed;

“Let us eat;” Gwindor said.

Everyone listened to Gwindor whose hands shook as he served the others.

“We need to get our strength back,” Gwindor said, massaging his arms.

“I agree,” Beleg said.

Feanor went outside as he recalled the moments he and Nerdanel taught his sons how to make lembas and the time he made lembas with Nerdanel’s help. He remembered how he and Nerdanel combined the recipes of Miriel and Nerdanel’s mother to make the bread he handed the children.

“I should not have made it,” Feanor said.

“They hate me…I should not have agreed to this,” Feanor said, walking around.

“How will I know how to help them when they do not even know themselves? What if they are in denial?” Feanor asked.

Feanor was busy thinking as he looked ahead; suddenly, he saw two figures approaching him. One was smaller than the other; Feanor stood up and saw a little girl with silver hair and dark eyes. She was sniffling as she looked up at him with fear.

“Gaeldes, this is Feanaro, he will watch over you; do you remember what I told you earlier?” Lady Nienna asked.

Gaeldes nodded;

“Nice to meet you, Gaeldes, I am Feanaro,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes wiped her tears as she took Feanor’s hand.

“Feanaro, I will need you in three days; I will meet with you here. How do you feel?” Nienna asked.

“Tired…but trying,” Feanor said.

‘They need you, Feanaro; they might not realize it now, but they will,’ Lady Nienna said through osanwe.

Feanor nodded; Lady Nienna held Feanor’s shoulders and left; Gaeldes looked up at Feanor who looked at her with a smile;

“Are you hungry?” Feanor asked.

Gaeldes nodded;

“Come; the others are already eating inside.” Feanor said.

“There are others?” Gaeldes asked.

“Yes; there are two brothers, Gwindor and Gelmir, their friend Beleg; four friends, Ecthelion, Duilin, Penlod and Rog and two friends, Nimrodel and Mithrellas,” Feanor said.

“I am alone?” Gaeldes asked.

“No; you are amongst friends,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes nodded; they entered the house;

“Everyone, this is Gaeldes; Gaeldes, these are the friends I was telling you about; this is Beleg, Gwindor, Gelmir, Mithrellas, Nimrodel, Ecthelion, Rog, Duilin and Penlod.” Feanor said.

“Nice to meet you, Gaeldes; here, let me help you,” Beleg pulled the chair for Gaeldes with much difficulty; Gaeldes was clinging unto Feanor’s leg as she hid her head, peeking at the other children. She looked up at Feanor who smiled and carried her to sit on the chair.

When Feanor saw the table with food spilled, he sighed;

“What happened?” Feanor asked.

“You did not serve us; we served ourselves,” Gwindor said.

“Our strength in our limbs has not returned,” Beleg said.

Feanor served Gaeldes as the others looked at Feanor who was taking care of Gaeldes. The older ones looked at each other; Feanor served them food; they smiled as they continued eating;

“Oh…” Feanor said, seeing the bread he made for himself was gone.

“Sorry,” Rog and Duilin said, shrinking in their chairs.

“It is all right;” Feanor said.

He looked at Gaeldes who had a difficult time picking up her spoon.

“Let me help you,” Mithrellas said.

Gaeldes smiled;

“Try this too;” Nimrodel said, smiling at Gaeldes who smiled back.

Feanor smiled a small smile;

“I see you,” Beleg said, smiling at Feanor.

“I was not doing anything,” Feanor said.

Beleg giggled;

Feanor cleaned the table as the children were talking with one another. Nimrodel and Mithrellas took Gaeldes to her room as the boys went up.

“Feanor, we are headed to bed; we are…tired,” Beleg said.

“Go; good night,” Feanor said, washing the plates.

Beleg smiled; the children headed up the stairs and Feanor heard the doors close. When he was finished cleaning up, he headed up and checked the rooms;

“They are not your children…you do not have to do this,” Feanor whispered.

He headed down the stairs and got the bag. He was drinking tea as he sat in the dining room and he read the books. He went up the stairs to the library, he got pieces of paper, a quill and ink. He started writing what he needs to do to help the children and the tasks he needs to do for the children. He went down the stairs and sat down when he suddenly heard a loud bump and a door, opening; he stood up and heard footsteps down the stairs. He saw Gaeldes who was sniffling as she was holding a blanket Miriel weaved for all the occupants in Lumbamar.

“What is wrong, Gaeldes? You cannot sleep?” Feanor asked.

Gaeldes shook her head;

“I do not want to be alone,” Gaeldes said.

“Come, I will watch over you,” Feanor said, taking Gaeldes’s hand but she removed her hand off Feanor’s grasp.

“I do not like the dark,” Gaeldes said, her mouth trembling as fresh tears fell from her eyes.

Feanor looked around;

“All right; stay beside me; I just need to work on something.” Feanor said.

Gaeldes nodded; she curled herself in the blanket, making use of the edges to wipe her tears. Feanor smiled as he was glancing at her as he continued writing.

“You are not sleeping,” Feanor said, seeing that Gaeldes was still moving around. She moved closer to him;

“I cannot sleep…I think…I remember…I cannot forget it,” Gaeldes said.

“No one can forget as much as we would want to; when my sons cannot sleep, I sing to them…my Laure has the best voice of my sons so when my wife and I are working, he sings for his younger brothers,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes looked up at Feanor;

“Do you miss them?” Gaeldes asked, her head on Feanor’s arm.

“Yes; but, I am glad because they are healed and happy,” Feanor said.

“That is good to hear,” Gaeldes said, her head moving on Feanor’s lap.

“I miss my son too,” Gaeldes said.

“You have a child?” Feanor asked.

Gaeldes nodded;

“He looks like his father; I am so proud of him,” Gaeldes said, smiling as she remembered her son.

She suddenly looked serious; she looked up at Feanor, moving to sit on Feanor’s lap.

“Will you sing for me your lullaby?” Gaeldes asked, placing her head on Feanor’s chest.

Feanor looked at Gaeldes; he started singing with eyes closed; he could remember the times his sons would be sitting on his lap. He stopped singing as he looked down, seeing Gaeldes already asleep. He let Gaeldes sleep on his lap;

“Maybe this can be good,” Feanor whispered; he picked up his quill and continued writing.

He did not know that nine children were sitting on the staircase, hearing him sing the lullaby.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I envision the occupants in Lumbamar being the following ages (human years):  
> Gwindor: 12  
> Gelmir: 9  
> Beleg: 9  
> Mithrellas: 11  
> Nimrodel: 9  
> Ecthelion: 9  
> Penlod: 9  
> Rog: 9  
> Duilin: 9  
> Gaeldes: 4

Feanor carried Gaeldes to her bed and wrapped her up with the blanket. He looked at her to make sure she was asleep. When he was sure that she was asleep, he went down quietly. He headed behind the house to a small building. He got pieces of wood and started carving; he stacked it to the side when he finished and started working on another project that he hoped, would help the children strengthen their bones and muscles. He was making progress when he looked up and saw the sun has already risen. He gasped and hurriedly removed the gloves and apron, running to the kitchen to start cooking; however, when he entered the house, he could not hear the children. He went up the stairs to their rooms and peeked inside, seeing that they were still sleeping humbly except for Mithrellas who was already awake and combing her hair.

“Good morning,” Feanor greeted.

Mithrellas jumped and held her comb in a threatening manner before relaxing, seeing who was at the door.

“Good morning;” Mithrellas said, putting the comb on the dresser table.

“You are the only one awake; would you like to come down and help me for breakfast?” Feanor asked.

“All right,” Mithrellas said.

Feanor and Mithrellas went down the stairs side-by-side; they headed to the kitchen where Feanor pulled a chair for Mithrellas to stand on as she helped wash the vegetables.

“I heard your lullaby; in fact, we all did,” Mithrellas said.

“Oh…” Feanor said.

Mithrellas passed the last vegetable to Feanor with a smile;

“I thought it was a good lullaby; it helped me sleep better.” Mithrellas said.

“That is nice to hear; I am glad my lullaby helped you sleep better,” Feanor said, starting to slice the vegetables.

Mithrellas smiled at him;

“Is there anything else I can do to help?” Mithrellas asked.

Feanor thought for a bit; he then nodded and handed her a knife.

“I think you can slice already,” Feanor said.

“Are you not afraid that I will use this to stab you?” Mithrellas asked.

“Will you?” Feanor asked, not looking up.

“No; besides, I know that it will have no effect. I know we are still under the jurisdiction of Lord Mandos and Lady Nienna.” Mithrellas said.

“Yes; but, if you do have the intention of stabbing me with a knife, I do not blame you.” Feanor said.

“Why not?” Mithrellas asked.

“I know it is not easy to accept that you are under my watch; It is not easy for me that my charges hate me too but if it helps release your anger, go for it. I am dead, I will not die again.” Feanor said.

Mithrellas looked at the knife; she held the handle, closed her eyes and thrust it to her chest but she felt something hold it back. She opened her eyes and gasped when she saw Feanor holding the knife. She looked up at Feanor who grabbed the knife, not minding that his hand was bleeding.

“What are you doing?” Feanor hissed;

“You said…I thought we are dead! How come you stopped it?! It was supposed to be me!” Mithrellas exclaimed.

“You will not handle a knife again; honestly, what was I thinking? Of course, they would still have trouble being here,” Feanor said, wrapping his hand with cloth.

“You said we do not die,” Mithrellas said, tears forming in her eyes.

“Yes, but here, we feel pain. This is like an in-between, a stop before you are ready to leave. You have a hröa, so wounds of the hröa can still be felt. You, attempting to stab yourself shows that you are not ready to return.” Feanor said.

“It should have been me; why did you stop me?” Mithrellas asked.

“I reacted…to be honest, I thought you will stab me, not yourself. Why do you want to stab yourself?” Feanor asked.

“If there is one person I am angry at, it is not you but me. You said if I wanted to stab you, I should go for it to release my anger. Well then, I should stab myself then; maybe if I do, it will release my anger,” Mithrellas said, looking at Feanor with tears in her eyes.

Feanor exhaled through his nose deeply;

“I should have thought about my sentence before saying it; all right, let us not stab one another even if we are angry at them. If you are angry with them, you tell them without holding anything back.” He continued slicing;

“I think that is a good idea,” Mithrellas said, wiping her tears.

“Why are you angry with yourself?” Feanor asked.

Mithrellas was quiet;

“You know, if you talk about it, it might help.” Feanor said.

“I do not want to talk about it…especially with you,” Mithrellas said.

“Who said that it has to be with me? You can talk whenever and with whoever you trust; just, do not attempt such an act again,” Feanor said.

“I will not, I swe…” Mithrellas was cut off when Feanor stopped slicing and held her shoulder.

“Do not make oaths,” Feanor said.

Mithrellas saw Feanor’s eyes express extreme sadness when he said that.

“I will not;” Mithrellas said.

“Good, as long as you understand; maybe I should place reminders; I should place guidelines; one cannot eat until you stop being angry,” Feanor said.

Mithrellas giggled;

“Then we might not be able to eat for a long time; that will make us angry and hungry,” Mithrellas said.

“Yes, that is ineffectual,” Feanor said, smiling.

Mithrellas held Feanor’s sleeve;

“I can help slice;” Mithrellas said.

Feanor looked at Mithrellas for a long while before handing a knife to her and the potatoes. Mithrellas knelt on the chair and started slicing; her hand was shaking as she tried to cut the potato in half.

“Why are we weak?” Mithrellas asked as Feanor stopped slicing to help Mithrellas cut the potato in smaller pieces.

“Now, you slice…I think it is because your hröa is still new; when I first came here, I too, had to take a long while before I can do the things I am used to doing.” Feanor said.

Mithrellas was able to cut the potatoes that were put in the stew Feanor was making.

“I love it, stew for breakfast,” Mithrellas said.

Mithrellas was waiting for the stew to boil as Feanor was making an omelet;

“It is almost time; you should wake the others,” Feanor said.

Mithrellas nodded; she went up the stairs and opened the door to Penlod’s room, that was the closest to the stairs. She shook his arm; she gasped when Penlod grabbed her and put his arm on her neck. She saw Penlod’s eyes look at her angrily.

“Penlod,” She choked out.

Penlod gasped and released Mithrellas.

“Mithrellas! I am sorry, I did not mean to hurt you…I thought…I am sorry,” Penlod said.

“I am fine,” Mithrellas said, rubbing her neck.

“Are you sure? I am sorry,” Penlod said, looking at Mithrellas with shame.

“I am fine; it is all right…it is time for breakfast. Feanor told me to wake you,” Mithrellas said.

When Penlod heard Feanor’s name, he huffed;

“Hence, he sent you in his stead. He must be afraid,” Penlod said.

“No, he is finishing with cooking breakfast; please wake Rog. I will wake Nimrodel,” Mithrellas said, leaving the room.

“Mithrellas, you should not trust him,” Penlod said.

“To be fair, I do not trust you either;” Mithrellas said, heading to Nimrodel’s room after hearing Penlod open Rog’s door.

“Nimrodel,” Mithrellas said, waking Nimrodel who woke up with a gasp.

“Where am I?” Nimrodel asked.

“You are in Lumbamar, remember?” Mithrellas asked.

“Oh…” Nimrodel said.

She got out of bed and stretched; she looked out her window and saw the trees and the sun, shining. She smiled;

“Would you like me to comb your hair before we eat?” Mithrellas asked.

“Yes,” Nimrodel said.

Nimrodel sat down in front of the mirror as Mithrellas combed her hair.

“What is on your mind, my friend?” Nimrodel asked.

“Who is the better question; I was thinking of Gilmith,” Mithrellas said.

Nimrodel’s smile vanished;

“I am sorry,”

Mithrellas shook her head;

“I ran out of my own volition;” Mithrellas said.

“Why did you run? You could have stayed;” Nimrodel said.

Mithrellas looked up with shock; she held the comb tightly in her hand.

“I looked for you,” Mithrellas said.

“I know,” Nimrodel said.

“You know, then why ask?” Mithrellas asked.

“Because you had a family of your own; you did not have to look for me,” Nimrodel said, standing up to hold Mithrellas’s shoulder.

“But I had to; you are my friend and I love you; do you remember? I made a promise that I would always be with you,” Mithrellas said.

“But in the end, we both were lost; we did not find each other.” Nimrodel said.

“I am sorry; if I had been there…”

“If you had been there, you would have been killed too,” Nimrodel said.

“But I was killed too…I was killed alone,” Mithrellas said.

“I am sorry,” Nimrodel said, embracing Mithrellas.

Mithrellas embraced Nimrodel tightly; they heard a knock on the door and saw Gaeldes with Beleg.

“Oh, why are you crying?” Gaeldes asked as Beleg looked at the two worriedly;

“We were just remembering old times,” Nimrodel said.

“Come, I am sure we will be comforted by the food Feanor made; I helped him cook,” Mithrellas said.

“Really?” Gaeldes asked.

Mithrellas nodded; Beleg held Mithrellas’s shoulder and looked at her worriedly; Mithrellas smiled and patted Beleg’s hand. The four went down and saw Penlod, Ecthelion, Rog, Duilin, Gwindor and Gelmir gathered at the foot of the stairs.

“What are you standing there for?” Beleg asked as Gaeldes ran to the dining area.

“We were having a discussion,” Duilin said as Nimrodel and Mithrellas looked at them.

“You were discussing what? Who gets to eat breakfast?” Beleg asked.

Nimrodel giggled as Mithrellas grinned;

“No, we were discussing about Feanor and whether we can trust him,” Rog said.

“You already ate his food yesterday and we are still here; come along,” Beleg said, pulling Rog.

“I told you that avoiding breakfast is senseless,” Ecthelion said, walking ahead;

“Besides, I heard Mithrellas helped make the food,” Beleg said.

“Really Mithrellas?” Gwindor asked.

Mithrellas blushed;

“I helped slice the potatoes and see whether the stew was boiling already,” Mithrellas said.

When they reached the dining area, they saw Gaeldes already seated with Feanor behind her and telling her about the food. She was smiling brightly at Feanor and told him to join them in eating. Feanor smiled back at Gaeldes;

Meanwhile, Mithrellas heard Penlod and Duilin telling the others that Gaeldes has already been influenced by Feanor.

“She believes him to be good; we have to find a way to release her from his hold,” Penlod said.

“What are you talking about?” Nimrodel asked.

“Later,” Duilin said seriously;

Mithrellas and Nimrodel shrugged; they sat around the dining table and saw that their plates were filled with food already. When all were seated, Ecthelion, Rog, Duilin, Penlod, Gwindor and Gelmir started praying to Yavanna, however, Gaeldes, Nimrodel, Mithrellas and Beleg started eating. They stopped when they saw the six praying. Gaeldes pulled Feanor who bent down to listen to Gaeldes’s whispers.

“What are they doing?” Gaeldes asked.

“They are praying to Yavanna for the food,” Feanor said.

“Oh…” Gaeldes said.

“Should we pray too?” Beleg asked in a whisper.

“You do not have to if that is not your way; just be quiet out of respect,” Feanor said.

“Insolence,” Penlod hissed as the other three lords of Gondolin and Gwindor looked at Feanor disapprovingly after they were done praying.

“Why is it insolence? If it is not part of their culture, then, they should not conform to your ways. Let them act according to their ways and culture, not what the majority here does,” Feanor said.

“You would really say that? Have respect for culture when you did not even respect the culture of the Teleri; their greatest work, you destroyed.” Gwindor said.

Feanor took a deep breath;

“I regretted, I apologized, and I learned; what I did was an affront to them and I could not go back and change that; I have apologized to the Teleri and their king through those that I have killed. My children also do their best to aid the Teleri and give back what we destroyed. Now, I learned from my mistake and to redress it, I respect that not everyone follows the way of the Noldor, even of the Valar. I atone for that mistake by validating their right to practice their culture; so, Gaeldes, Beleg, Mithrellas and Nimrodel, if you do not pray to Yavanna before eating, it is fine; just wait until they are finished praying then, you could eat. Gaeldes, Beleg, Mithrellas and Nimrodel, if you have a practice in your culture that needs to be done, do it. We respect your right to practice it. Now, eat before your food gets cold. You can leave the plates, I will wash them later,” Feanor said, heading out.

When Feanor was outside, he took a deep breath; he closed his eyes as memories of him, pleading for forgiveness and the screams of his victims assaulted him. He opened his eyes and looked up.

“You are not blameless, Feanaro. You should let them speak their minds,” Feanor said.

He sat on the ground, looking ahead.

“You have asked for forgiveness; though some do not forgive you, there are others who do. You and your sons are doing their best to redress your mistakes in any way you see fit. You are correct to tell them,” Feanor said.

Feanor heaved a sigh;

“Just take a moment to breathe; remind yourself that you are forgiven and you are accepted. Remind yourself that you are here to learn and be free from the shackles of your past. You are here to grow.” Feanor said.

“Is it your way to speak to yourself aloud?”

Feanor looked up, glaring;

“It helps me think; what about you? Is it your way to always show up unannounced, Olorin?” Feanor asked the maia standing in front of him.

Olorin smiled but did not answer;

“Why are you here?” Feanor asked.

“I was around; I wanted to see your progress,” Olorin said.

“I would be lying if I say that there is progress;” Feanor said.

“May I?” Olorin asked, pointing the space near Feanor.

Feanor nodded; Olorin sat down beside him.

“Hearing you speak to yourself; I understand that they still blame you regarding your mistakes in the past?” Olorin asked.

“I do not blame them; they do not know that we have asked for forgiveness; I told them that we have apologized, and we are learning from our mistakes; I believe that is most important,” Feanor said.

“Indeed; that is one of the reasons Lady Nienna and Lords Namo and Irmo let you be their minder; you do not let your mistakes define you, Feanaro. You have admitted your mistakes and have forgiven yourself and you chose to learn and move on from your mistakes; I truly admire you, Feanaro.” Olorin said.

Feanor looked at Olorin;

“Are you only saying that to appease me?” Feanor asked.

“Nay; I truly do admire you; you let go of your pride to admit your mistakes and you have shown great love for you have forgiven yourself. You let your mistakes become lessons to learn from, not a definition of yourself. I hope that they see that they can be proud to have you as their minder,” Olorin said, holding Feanor’s shoulder;

“Thank you Olorin, those are kind words,” Feanor said.

“Do not be afraid, Feanaro; just continue trying,” Olorin said.

“I am; thank you once again, Olorin.” Feanor said, standing up.

Olorin stood up and bowed his head;

“I would also like to inform you that Lord Irmo will be visiting tomorrow,” Olorin said.

Feanor rolled his eyes and waved a hand as Olorin left; he took a deep breath and headed back inside.

The ten children were silent; some of them were looking at each other; Gelmir was the first to move; he reached for his spoon and felt around the plate. He then decided to let go of the spoon and eat with his hands.

“Gelmir, no, stop! Stop! Use this,” Gwindor said, placing the spoon in Gelmir’s hand.

“No; it is easier to eat with my hands,” Gelmir said.

“You are a prince; this is unbecoming…” Gwindor was cut off by Beleg who held his shoulder.

“Let him eat where he feels comfortable; if he finds it easier to eat with his hands, let him. It is not like you have not eaten using your hands before,” Beleg said.

“When there are no utensils, I use my hands but since we do have them, he should use them,” Gwindor said.

“I think that is what Feanor meant; you should respect that his way does not conform to you; everyone here is different and you should respect the differences we have amongst one another. You should let him do what he feels comfortable in.” Beleg said, eating happily.

Gwindor sighed;

“He did say good points,” Ecthelion said as he started eating.

“You only say that because he embraced you; remember, he embraced you not because he cares but because you killed Gothmog,” Duilin said, eating.

Ecthelion chuckled as Rog snickered;

“I think he cares in his own way,” Ecthelion said.

“He cares; he sang me to sleep last night,” Gaeldes said.

“Please! Can we not?” Penlod asked, looking at the others.

“What do you mean?” Nimrodel asked.

“You cannot be influenced to follow him! We must remember what he did; you must also remember that Morgoth was released once, because he says he is changed. Look what happened, he is evil; the same is true for _him_. Did you see? I bet he spoke for Maeglin that is why he will be here too. Well, I will not be influenced by him,” Penlod said.

“You should not say such things,” Rog said, eyeing Gaeldes who stopped eating.

“Why? Remember? Nienna spoke for Morgoth and he was released in Aman; then he destroyed the trees. The same is happening with Feanor; he is here out of Nienna’s petition; he is evil, that will never change.” Penlod said.

“If so, why did you agree to come here then?” Beleg asked.

Suddenly, Ecthelion laughed as Penlod pursed his lips.

“Do you really think we were brought here to stop him?” Ecthelion asked.

“Think about it! You killed the one who killed him; maybe we were brought here to make sure he never gets out; maybe we were brought here to make sure he is imprisoned,” Penlod said.

Rog and Duilin shook their heads as Mithrellas ignored them; only Nimrodel and Gwindor were listening and nodding along to what Penlod was saying. Beleg rolled his eyes then held Gaeldes’s shoulder;

“Do not listen to him; that is his way of coping with what is happening to him,” Beleg said.

“Do you really think Feanor is evil? He sang such a comforting lullaby; I know what happened to the past, but he can be good too, right?” Gaeldes asked.

“Yes; I believe he can. He is not the Black Hand; there is goodness in Feanor and I know you felt that with his lullaby,” Beleg said.

Gaeldes smiled;

“I did…” Gaeldes said.

“I know you did; go on and eat, Gaeldes or your food will get cold,” Beleg said.

“If he cannot change, we cannot heal,” Gelmir whispered, although only Beleg, Mithrellas, Rog and Ecthelion heard him as Gwindor and Penlod were busy talking with one another and Duilin and Nimrodel were away from the table.

“Yes, if we all cling to the past, we can never heal; like believing that he is unable to change, we too, will be unable to change. You see, if we believe that someone like him is capable of changing his ways, it means we can too,” Ecthelion said.

Penlod and Gwindor silenced as Duilin and Nimrodel returned with plates full of sliced fruits.

“What is happening?” Duilin asked as he held Nimrodel’s plate for her as she climbed her chair.

Nimrodel took her plate as Duilin climbed his chair, handing the plate to Rog who placed it on the table. They shared the sliced fruits;

“You are of the mind that we did something wrong,” Gwindor said.

“No; we are here because we have an injury that the Valar cannot heal. They told us that by being here, they hope our injury will be healed.” Mithrellas said.

“Yes, but how can Feanor heal us?” Penlod asked.

“Maybe if you let him, we can be healed,” Mithrellas said.

“Mithrellas, just because he showed a bit of kindness does not mean that he is good.” Gwindor said.

“That is not what I am saying;” Mithrellas said.

“What are you saying then; that we should let a criminal in our lives?” Penlod asked.

“He has been forgiven and set free by the Valar; they let him be part of Lumbamar,” Ecthelion said.

“I still do not trust him and I would not let him in my life,” Penlod said.

“That is your choice;”

They looked up and saw Feanor enter; Penlod pursed his lips as his arms were crossed;

“Are you finished eating?” Feanor asked.

“Yes,” They chorused;

“No,” Gwindor and Penlod said.

“Finish your food then,” Feanor said, heading to the kitchen to get a plate for himself and a spoon and fork.

He sat down where Gaeldes was seated as he stacked the empty plates and placed the utensils atop the stack. He started eating when he felt arms surround his waist. He looked down and saw Gaeldes.

“Gaeldes, what is it?” Feanor asked.

Gaeldes shook her head as she embraced Feanor’s waist tightly.

“How much did you hear?” Beleg asked, approaching Feanor.

“Listen, you are here because Nienna and her brothers think that you will get better here; if you do not agree with them, you are free to tell them, and you are free to leave. I am here because I hope that I can help you heal and because there are others who believe that I can help you heal. I know you are having a difficult time accepting this arrangement; you just arrived yesterday, I know it is your choice but, I hope you give this a chance.” Feanor said.

The children were silent;

“We will give this a chance,” Beleg said.

Mithrellas and Gaeldes nodded as Nimrodel crossed her arms and nodded her head once. Ecthelion, Rog and Duilin looked at Penlod;

“To be honest, we do not know why we were still in the Halls of Waiting while our other friends are released,” Ecthelion said, looking at Feanor.

“We hoped that when Nienna told us that coming here would help us find a way; we agreed because we feel that being here would help us realize the reason,” Rog said.

“Yes; can you imagine? Salgant is already out of the halls while the four of us are still in the Halls of Waiting,” Duilin said.

“He is out of the halls?” Penlod asked.

“You did not ask? I did; I learned that only the four of us and Maeglin are the remaining ones out of the Lords of Gondolin. I guess Salgant found courage and redeemed himself,” Duilin said.

“How did he do that?” Penlod asked.

“He sought forgiveness from Turukano, Laurefinde and his men; when he was forgiven, he was let out alongside his men,” Feanor said.

“How do you know?” Ecthelion asked.

“I saw my amme’s loom of the House of Finwe; I saw him in Valinor beside my son and grandson, playing the harp.” Feanor said.

Penlod huffed as he pushed his empty plate away;

“I am done,” He said, leaving the table with Gwindor behind him.

Rog and Duilin followed them as Beleg followed Gwindor and Mithrellas and Nimrodel were at the side, discussing something in whispers. Ecthelion looked at Feanor who was feeding Gaeldes who was telling him she liked the omelet.

“I want more,” Gaeldes said.

“Then nothing will be left for me,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes pouted;

“My lord…” Ecthelion started.

“I told you to just call me Feanaro, Ecthelion,” Feanor said.

“Of course…Feanaro, I want to say that Penlod is having a difficult time,”

“I know; this is his way of coping; everyone here has a different way of coping. I understand,” Feanor said, taking the last bite of omelet while Gaeldes pouted more beside him.

Ecthelion smiled;

“I…enjoyed the food you made,” Ecthelion said.

Feanor chuckled;

“Thank you; I am glad you like it. What do you want to eat later?” Feanor asked.

“I want to eat something later,” Gaeldes said.

“Why are you asking me?” Ecthelion asked.

“I want to feed the one who killed Gothmog; you deserve it and more; just tell me whatever you want,” Feanor said, patting Ecthelion’s back happily.

Ecthelion chuckled then laughed when he saw Gaeldes jumping and telling Feanor to cook something for her.

“I like to try everything in you make,” Ecthelion said.

“All right, you asked for it and I shall deliver,” Feanor said, bowing his head;

He carried the stack of plates and utensils and was about to wash them when Ecthelion went after him.

“Can I help you?” Ecthelion asked.

Feanor looked at him;

“Of course; I will wash, you rinse and Gaeldes can dry them,” Feanor said.

“Me?” Gaeldes asked from Feanor’s left;

“Yes, you,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes eagerly stood on the chair, holding the drying cloth as Ecthelion knelt on another chair. He saw that Feanor’s right hand was in a bandage.

“What happened to your hand?” Ecthelion asked as Feanor was washing the dishes.

“I cut myself,” Feanor said.

“What? I thought we are in the jurisdiction of Namo, still,” Ecthelion said.

“Yes, but we do have a hröa so we can still injure ourselves,” Feanor said.

“I see,” Ecthelion said, glancing at Feanor’s hand from time-to-time.

When the plates were dried and stacked on the rack, Ecthelion looked at where Feanor went.

“Where do you think he is?” Ecthelion asked.

“He was working on something last night;” Gaeldes said.

Ecthelion held Gaeldes’s shoulder and led her out. Gelmir was seated on a step in the porch as the others were playing. Mithrellas and Nimrodel were sitting on the grass, talking happily. Ecthelion ran and joined his friends while Gaeldes approached Mithrellas and Nimrodel. Gelmir sighed, listening to what was going on around him. He then heard a pounding sound behind him. He went inside the house and followed the loud sound. The pounding stopped and he heard Feanor’s voice.

“What are you doing here, Gelmir?”

Gelmir took a step back and missed the step; he felt arms around him.

“Be careful!” Feanor exclaimed.

Gelmir was shaking as he felt his feet firmly planted on the ground.

“What are you doing?” Gelmir asked.

“Here,” Feanor held Gelmir’s hand and placed it on something with gaps. Gelmir touched around the gaps and he knew that it spelled Penlod’s name.

Gelmir smiled as tears formed in his eyes.

“Why?” Gelmir asked.

“So that you know which room you are about to enter,” Feanor said.

Gelmir heard the loud pounding again. Gelmir felt Feanor hold his hand again and placed it on the wooden plaque. Every time Feanor stopped with the pounding, he took Gelmir’s hand and placed it on the wooden plaque.

“So, this is how my name feels like,” Gelmir whispered.

Feanor looked at Gelmir who was lingering on touching his name;

“You did not have to do this for me,” Gelmir said.

“I do not want you to feel left out,” Feanor said.

“Will I remain blind even if I leave?” Gelmir asked.

“I hope not; I do not know how reembodiment works; from what I have seen from my son, there are still scars around his wrist; I think it is up to you; I believe he chose to have the scars as remembrance that his friend released him.” Feanor said.

“I do not want to remain blind; I do not want to be weak,” Gelmir said.

“You are not weak; the fact that you chose to continue on is proof of your strength,” Feanor said.

Gelmir heard the pounding continue;

“Done,” Feanor said.

Gelmir felt a hand on his head;

“Are you sure you do not want to play with your brother and your friends?” Feanor asked.

Gelmir shook his head;

“Do you want to accompany me outside?” Feanor asked.

Gelmir nodded; Gelmir let Feanor hold his hand and lead him out.

“You can stay here,” Feanor said, letting Gelmir sit on the ground;

Gelmir heard Feanor telling him what he was working on;

“I am creating something that I hope would help you strengthen your bones and muscles,” Feanor said.

Gelmir was getting bored and sleepy listening to Feanor explaining what he was doing. He suddenly felt someone shake his shoulder;

“Sorry,” Gelmir said.

Feanor chuckled;

“I should have known you were asleep when you did not react to my question. I am done. Try it,” Feanor said, pulling Gelmir off the ground.

Feanor led Gelmir somewhere then led his hand to hold something like a braided rope. Gelmir hit something hard with his knee. He felt that the object that hit him was some sort of wooden plank.

“Sit on it,” Feanor said.

Gelmir sat on it;

“Hold on to the ropes tightly,” Feanor said, holding Gelmir’s hands and wrapping them around the ropes.

Gelmir held the ropes tightly; He then felt Feanor push the wood; Gelmir made a shocked sound.

“Do not get off the seat,” Feanor said, pushing him lightly;

Gelmir smiled; he closed his eyes as he felt the breeze on his hair and face;

“I can do it,” Gelmir said.

He used his feet to swing himself up; he closed his eyes and smiled; he tried to get himself higher; he whooped and laughed happily.

The other children heard a whoop and a laugh; they went to the back of the house and saw Feanor, working on something as Gelmir was on a swing, laughing happily. Gwindor smiled at seeing his brother laughing. He then sniffled and wiped his tears.

“I want to try!” Nimrodel exclaimed.

“Watch out!” Rog shouted at Nimrodel who ran towards Gelmir.

Gelmir planted his feet on the ground when he heard Rog’s scream as the children looked at Nimrodel who was grabbed out of Gelmir’s way.

“What happened? Is everyone all right?” Gelmir asked as he felt someone hold his hand when he got off the swing.

Nimrodel opened her eyes and saw Feanor who was breathing hard;

“That was dangerous!” Feanor shouted.

Nimrodel shook and cried in fear, holding her arm that was pulled by Feanor.

“I am sorry for screaming but you should not move forward where you can get hit. If you want to try, you move beside him, not in front nor behind him.” Feanor said.

“I am sorry;” Nimrodel said.

Mithrellas approached Nimrodel and embraced her;

“Come, let us try that rope bridge,” Mithrellas said.

Nimrodel nodded; she saw that Gaeldes was already walking in the rope bridge with Gelmir behind her. When they got off, Rog jumped on the rope bridge, shaking it.

“Rog! Stop!” Duilin exclaimed, holding the rope tightly.

Rog and Ecthelion laughed;

“This is fun, Feanor! Did you try them out before us?” Beleg asked, running towards Feanor.

“Of course; I need to make sure they are safe and sturdy for you to use,” Feanor said, looking at a rope he attached to an arrow. The rope was thick and had knots along its length. Feanor had a bow ready and Beleg looked at him.

“May I?” Beleg asked.

“Of course,” Feanor said.

Beleg held the bow in his hand with a look of extreme happiness;

“Where do you want me to hit?” Beleg asked.

“I want the rope to go around that branch,” Feanor said, pointing a large branch of the tree they were under.

Beleg readied himself as the other children were looking at him and Gwindor was telling Gelmir that Beleg was now holding a bow. When he pulled the bowstring, his hand shook. When his hand shook, he stopped pulling; he tried again, aiming but he could feel his whole arm shaking with the exertion of pulling the bowstring. His vision was also blurring due to the tears forming in his eyes.

“NO!” Beleg exclaimed, crying. He dropped the bow and arrow as he cried, looking at his hands.

“Your strength is not back yet; you just need to practice,” Feanor said, picking up the bow and arrow.

He knelt, looking at Beleg intently.

“Even when I was young, I was never…weak.” Beleg said.

“You are not weak…I think we can have a game that both of us will enjoy,” Feanor said.

“I am listening,” Beleg said.

“Starting tomorrow, I will make some targets for you; if you are unable to hit them, you will wash the dishes and the pots and pans I used to cook,” Feanor said.

“If I am able to hit them?” Beleg asked.

“Name your reward,” Feanor said.

“If I hit the target, I get to eat your best food,” Beleg said.

“I agree to that,” Feanor said, holding his hand up to shake.

Beleg wiped his tears, smiled and shook Feanor’s hand.

“Can I join?” Duilin asked.

“Me too!” Mithrellas exclaimed.

Beleg and Feanor looked at each other and smiled;

“Fine; Duilin, if you are unable to hit the target, you will wash the dishes during lunch while Mithrellas will wash the dishes during breakfast the next day,” Feanor said.

“Agreed,” Duilin and Mithrellas said, shaking Feanor’s hand.

Feanor noticed Penlod pull Duilin, Rog and Ecthelion aside as Mithrellas clapped happily. Feanor clapped his hands;

“You need to take a bath now,” Feanor said.

The children headed inside; Feanor could hear Penlod, Duilin, Rog and Ecthelion argue about him.

“I thought he is an enemy,” Penlod hissed;

“I want to try, Penlod. I miss it,” Duilin said.

Penlod sighed;

“I think it is a good idea; let us see what will happen,” Ecthelion said.

The boys took a bath together as the three girls took a bath together; meanwhile, Feanor was in the library, having ideas on how to help the children become closer with one another. He heard a knock on the door; he looked behind him and saw Gwindor.

“Well, this is a surprise;” Feanor said.

Gwindor frowned;

“I am here to thank you,” Gwindor said.

“For what?” Feanor asked.

“For making my brother laugh; it has been a long time since I last heard him laugh. I cannot believe he laughed because of what you did,” Gwindor said.

Feanor chuckled; Gwindor looked away;

“I still do not trust you,” Gwindor said, leaving.

Feanor shook his head and returned to his work. He stopped writing and placed his hands together. He smiled knowing that the children are slowly accepting their place in Lumbamar. While he was working, he remembered that Irmo will visit tomorrow.

“I wonder what he will do,” Feanor said, looking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I studied in a Catholic school and I have classmates who are not Catholic. So, when Ecthelion, Rog, Duilin, Penlod, Gwindor, and Gelmir were praying to Yavanna, it is like they are praying "Bless us Oh Lord..." meanwhile Gaeldes, Beleg, Nimrodel and Mithrellas do not pray to Yavanna or in my mind, they have a different religion so they do not pray "Bless us Oh Lord". I hope you get what I mean with this.   
> ~Olorin (Gandalf) loves sneaking up on people; this is my personal headcanon as well as Feanor talking aloud with himself since talking aloud with yourself is a sign of intelligence according to research done in UK.  
> ~Feanor carved out the names in Tengwar in the mode the occupants of Lumbamar understand; the gaps Gelmir feels are the Tengwar writing  
> ~Beleg calls Morgoth "the Black Hand"  
> ~Yes, Feanor made a small playground in Lumbamar's backyard; he was able to make a swing and a rope bridge; his next project was supposed to be the climbing rope thing and a slide
> 
> The next chapter is going to be a good one since Irmo appears and Feanor meets a new occupant and Feanor becoming like a physical fitness instructor, teacher, chef, dishwasher, inventor and lullaby singer rolled into one. #feanorneedsamomentofpeace


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter so far for Feanor's Daycare Home for the Lost and Weary; this is a late update because I am busy searching for a job. It is so hard to look for a job during this pandemic but I need one. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Feanor was having a bad dream of a boy crying in the corner of a room; he awoke when he heard the loud thunder; he looked out and closed the book he was reading regarding one of the occupants of Lumbamar. He stood up and looked out the window. He remembered when Irmo came to Lumbamar after he had a bad dream regarding Finwe’s death.

_Flashback_

_Irmo held the leaf of a nearby tree;_

_“It rained;” He said._

_“Yes;” Feanor said._

_“You had a bad dream,” Irmo said, looking at Feanor._

_Feanor looked at him and nodded;_

_“It rains in Lumbamar when her occupants have a dream of the past that brings pain and suffering to them,” Irmo said._

_“I dreamt of my father…” Feanor was cut off by Irmo._

_“Rain may bring you grief and sadness like what your dreams bring; however, always remember what comes after the rain,” Irmo said, smiling at Feanor before leaving._

_The next day, when the sky in Lumbamar cleared, the flowers bloomed like never before._

Feanor looked out, watching the rain helped him feel oddly calm. He wondered though; the rain seemed to get stronger as time passed by. Feanor went out of his room and quietly opened the door of the one closest to his, that is Gaeldes’s room. As the youngest, he decided to put Gaeldes near his room in case she needed anything. He saw her toss and turn, her blanket, already on the floor together with her pillow. Feanor picked up the blanket and pillow; he placed the pillow beside her and was about to cover her with the blanket when she seemed to be choking. She thrashed around as she grabbed her neck. Feanor held her gently but firmly so as not to hurt her and so that she will not hurt herself.

“Gaeldes, you are safe. Gaeldes,” Feanor called her.

Feanor winced, having a feeling that Gaeldes was dreaming of her death. Gaeldes awoke and looked at Feanor. She cried as she embraced him tightly.

“You are safe now,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes did not speak as Feanor held her;

“They should have made us forget if they want us to heal,”

Feanor turned and saw Nimrodel;

“It is not that simple,” Feanor said.

Nimrodel huffed and left them; Feanor heard Nimrodel bang her door as she entered her room. Feanor looked outside and saw that the rain did not stop.

Feanor let go of Gaeldes, hoping to stretch after a long while of sitting on the bed and carrying her. He saw that Gaeldes was still awake and the rain did not stop pouring. He stood up and saw Gaeldes walk after him as he went down to make breakfast. When he came down, he saw that everyone was already downstairs, and they all looked desolate. Feanor did not know how to broach the subject.

Gaeldes sat down and placed her head on her arms. Mithrellas, Beleg, Ecthelion and Rog sat around the dining table while the rest, like Nimrodel, was sitting in the living room together with Duilin, Penlod, Gwindor and Gelmir. When Feanor was done cooking, he placed the food on the table and set the plates. Everyone was quiet as they heard the rain pouring outside.

“Time to eat,” Feanor said.

Those around the table sat properly; Ecthelion and Rog prayed silently as Mithrellas, Gaeldes and Beleg were quiet. Feanor went to the living room that was a few steps away from the dining table.

“Time to eat,” Feanor said.

“Can you just leave us alone?” Gwindor asked angrily.

“No, I cannot. You must eat; come along,” Feanor said.

Gwindor looked up at him.

“STOP TREATING ME LIKE I AM YOUR CHILD! YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!” Gwindor pushed Feanor aside with all the strength he can muster. He stormed up the stairs, to his room and banged the door shut without looking back.

He looked around and saw Penlod and Duilin sigh and head up the stairs while helping Gelmir who stood up. Nimrodel looked at him and glared before heading up. He looked at those in the dining room and they ignored him as they too, picked at their food.

Feanor knew that these children were not his; he knew this the moment they were placed in his care in the first place; yet, why did it hurt?

Feanor stepped out, not wanting the children inside to see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. When he was outside, he stood under the rain, he clenched his fists and bit his lip. He told himself to stop the tears, but the tears cannot stop falling. He raised his head and tried to let the rain wash away his tears.

Beleg looked at those around the dining table.

“We should at least try to finish the food he prepared for us,” Beleg said.

“I am not hungry,” Mithrellas said, crossing her arms and looking away.

Beleg sighed; he looked at the three friends around him with sadness. Rog sighed and got down his seat;

“Where are you going?” Ecthelion asked.

“Outside,” Rog said.

“It is raining,” Beleg said.

“I do not care,” Rog said.

Ecthelion left the table to go after Rog. Mithrellas sighed and left the table, heading up the stairs to her room. Beleg looked at Gaeldes;

“I guess it is just the two of us. Let us eat, shall we?” Beleg asked.

He was about to eat but saw Gaeldes staring at the food on her table. Beleg held her shoulder;

“What troubles you?” Beleg asked.

Gaeldes looked at him;

“You would not understand,” Gaeldes said.

Suddenly, they saw Feanor enter the house; he was all wet; he looked at Beleg and Gaeldes. Beleg was about to ask him what he did outside when Feanor went up to his room. Beleg frowned and was about to go after him but did not want to leave Gaeldes.

“You can go,” Gaeldes said.

Beleg looked at her; she was looking ahead, as though stuck in memories.

“No, I will stay here with you and we will eat,” Beleg said, taking Gaeldes’s hand and placing the fork in her hand.

Gaeldes looked at him and she looked angry then she sighed;

“You have to remember where you are now, Gaeldes. You are in Lumbamar. You are no longer in that place,” Beleg said.

“Easy for you to say; you were not left to choke on your blood by those monsters,” Gaeldes growled.

“I am not saying that, Gaeldes. I do not want us to compare the sufferings we endured in our past life. I am just saying that right here, right now, we are safe and we are placed here together because we can help each other. I know that it is hard for you, but I see that Feanor is also having a hard time and I want to lessen his problems. I know everyone is having a hard time; I just want to help lessen the bad feelings,” Beleg said.

“That is commendable, Beleg but there are things that you still cannot understand,” Gaeldes said, getting out of her seat and heading up the stairs. 

Beleg looked at her with a frown then the door opened to reveal Rog and Ecthelion who were both wet. Rog’s knee had a scrape as Ecthelion held him.

“What happened?” Beleg asked, getting down from his chair.

“He slipped; I told you to watch where you are going and to not run, my friend.” Ecthelion said.

Rog glared at Ecthelion; he headed up the stairs with Ecthelion’s help as Beleg looked at the dining table. The food remained untouched; Beleg was about to clean the table when Feanor appeared;

“I will do that,” Feanor said.

Beleg frowned as he watched Feanor quietly wash the plates. Feanor then finished washing the plates; he looked out and saw that the rain became a drizzle.

“I will leave now; if you are hungry, just get food from the pot,” Feanor said, heading out.

“Where are you going?” Beleg asked but Feanor did not answer.

Beleg sighed; he went up the stairs and knocked on the door of Duilin.

“Beleg, what is it?” Duilin asked.

“Join me downstairs; can you also call the others?” Beleg asked.

Duilin looked at Beleg and nodded; he knocked on the door of Penlod’s room as Beleg knocked on Gwindor’s room.

“What?” Gwindor asked.

He softened his expression when he saw that it was Beleg.

“Join me downstairs,” Beleg said.

“What for?” Gwindor asked.

“Just do it,” Beleg said as he knocked on Gelmir’s door.

When everyone was outside their rooms, they followed Beleg down the stairs and to the living room.

“It is no longer raining,” Mithrellas said, looking outside.

She then behaved when she saw Beleg, looking at them seriously.

“Where is Feanor?” Gaeldes asked, looking around.

“He left,” Beleg said.

“Good,” Gwindor said.

“No, it is not good;” Beleg said, looking at Gwindor.

“Beleg, my dear friend, I did not peg you as a follower of Feanor;” Gwindor said in a mocking tone.

“I am not a follower of Feanor; I chose to be a friend, not just your friend but also his. You resent him for trying to help you, for opening his heart and letting you in his, for what? You only look to him so that you have someone else to blame rather than yourselves,” Beleg said.

“Beleg…” Penlod started but Beleg did not stop.

“You bring up his past mistakes when those who were affected have already forgiven him because they are strong; they know that holding onto grudges will only hurt them further; the Valar themselves, the only ones who have the power to release him, have released him because they saw that instead of lingering to the past, he chose to let go and grow.” Beleg said.

“You do not know what we have been through,” Nimrodel said, glaring at Beleg who was unperturbed.

“Yes, I do not but I see that you hold bitterness in your heart, not towards him but towards yourselves and seeing him, the one you have always thought of as an enemy, able to move on and let go makes you angry because he was able to do something you are not able to do. He was able to face the truth while you cannot. Now, you are angry at me because I speak the truth that you would not want to admit to yourselves.” Beleg said, looking at each of them long and hard.

“You question why your former friend was able to be released; it is because he does not hold grudges and bitterness. You do; he is strong because he was able to ask for forgiveness and not hold bitterness. You are not strong; none of us are; because if we are, we would not be here,” Beleg said.

Gaeldes, Nimrodel and Mithrellas were already crying as Ecthelion and Rog looked down. Gwindor then hit the table;

“You do not know what happened to us; do not assume,” Gwindor said, standing up and was about to leave.

“Gwindor, stop blaming him; Beleg is correct; you are angry at yourself. You only refuse to see that; we all are angry at ourselves for one reason or another. Some of us become blind to the truth; it should not be so,” Gelmir said.

Gwindor paused and turned to look at Gelmir who was seated on the couch; Gwindor had tears in his eyes as he approached Gelmir and embraced him tightly;

“Listen, we are here together because we can help each other; if it is to help each other open our eyes to the truth, if it is to help each other accept what happened or whatnot. Feanor is not the only one that needs to act to help us; each of us has a part to play; that is why, remember? He told us that before we stayed, we had a choice to stay or to leave; we all decided to stay and when we made that choice, we knew that we had to learn to live with him and with each other.” Beleg said.

Gaeldes nodded;

“I am sorry,” Gwindor said, looking at the group.

“I am sorry too; I know I have been putting seeds of doubt about Feanaro. I cannot help it; I hope to change that,” Penlod said.

The children apologized to one another; they embraced;

“We should apologize to Feanor,” Beleg said.

Gaeldes nodded;

“He was hurt with what you said, Gwindor. He is a father and instead of being with his children, he is stuck with children who hate him.” Beleg said.

“I did not mean to hurt his feelings,” Gwindor said.

“When he comes back, let us apologize and help him feel better,” Mithrellas said.

The children agreed;

“I am quite hungry; I did not want to admit it,” Duilin said.

They headed to the table where they helped one another get plates, utensils and food;

“The sky is clearing!” Mithrellas exclaimed, looking outside before sitting down.

They cheered;

“Then we can go outside,” Gaeldes said.

“Yes, but watch where you are going unless you want to slip like Rog,” Ecthelion said.

“I am all right,” Rog said.

They ate together and cleaned together; they went to the front yard and played together while Rog was sitting with Gelmir.

“Why are you not playing?” Gelmir asked.

“My knee still hurts,” Rog said.

“Oh,” Gelmir said.

Rog looked at Gelmir; he did not want to admit that the sight of blood scared him; that it took Ecthelion’s presence beside him to stop him from screaming that he was dying. Rog was caught in the memory and did not notice Gelmir calling him until Gelmir took his hand. Rog snatched his hand away;

“I apologize,” Gelmir said.

“No, it is not your fault. I was remembering something,” Rog said.

“What is it?” Gelmir asked.

“It is not something I want to talk about,” Rog said.

“It might help,” Gelmir said.

“No,” Rog said.

Gelmir frowned;

“All right,” Gelmir said.

Rog looked at Gelmir and sighed;

“I just…I remember my death when I saw my own blood,” Rog said. He closed his eyes and shivered;

He felt a hand reach out to his hesitantly; he saw Gelmir reaching out; Rog smiled and held his hand.

“Thank you,” Rog said.

“I remember what Beleg said; we are here together; we might as well learn to live with one another and suffer things together,” Gelmir said.

Rog chuckled;

* * *

Feanor stood under a tree, looking back at home;

“It is raining,”

“I see now; you and your maiar have a tendency to appear unannounced,” Feanor said, looking behind him;

Irmo smiled at him then tilted his head to the side;

“You are troubled,” Irmo said.

“You told me that it rains in Lumbamar due to the dreams of the past; I dreamt of atar’s death and I am sure I am not the only one dreaming of the past,” Feanor said.

“Yes, some of your occupants dreamt of their pasts as well; some good and some bad; but look, the rain is stopping,” Irmo said.

“That is good,” Feanor said nonchalantly.

Irmo was silently observing Feanor;

“That is not the reason you are troubled; you have already made progress in understanding that your dreams of the past remain in the past; they no longer have a hold on you. They are there to help you grow,” Irmo said.

Feanor looked at Irmo and frowned;

“They hate me,” Feanor said.

“No, they do not;” Irmo said.

“Why did you choose me to help them? I tried to be gentle; I tried to be a good minder and they disregard my help.” Feanor said.

“Because like them, you still hold yourself accountable for something; you still hold onto this feeling when it is time to let it go; they will help you see, the same way you help them see; you just need to continue trying,” Irmo said.

Feanor thought for a bit;

“It seems they have reached an understanding,” Irmo said, seeing the sky slowly clearing;

“Why do you want to meet with me?” Feanor asked.

“Remember my brother say that you will care for fourteen fëar? Currently, you have ten in your household,” Irmo said.

“Yes, though I know Maeglin Lomion will be another member,” Feanor said.

“Yes; the other three are those who are already living in Valinor and are still lost and weary despite our attempts of helping them,” Irmo said.

“Go on,” Feanor said.

“They dream of the past, the same way the occupants of Lumbamar do; the feelings of anguish remain even as they wake up. We hope that by making our presence known or by guiding them through the dreams, they will be comforted but every time we make our presence known, they move away from us,”

Feanor scoffed;

“Of course they will; your powers are too great for them…I also think it is better if you let them discover their path rather than you outright give them a path to tread,” Feanor said.

“We hope that you can help us by helping them find a way to Lumbamar,” Irmo said.

“Can you not take them here like the rest?” Feanor asked.

“They are alive; they can only enter this place through dreams; we hope that with you, you can lead them here,” Irmo said.

Feanor looked at Irmo, amused then he laughed; Irmo looked at him curiously.

“Why are you laughing?” Irmo asked.

“You expect them to follow me?” Feanor asked.

“Yes,” Irmo said.

Feanor laughed harder then stopped, shaking his head;

“Now I see where Olorin gets his optimism from,” Feanor said.

“Help us, Feanaro,” Irmo said.

“Funny; if you asked me then, I would not help you,” Feanor said.

“You will help us?” Irmo asked.

“I am curious of your plan,” Feanor said.

Irmo smiled and held Feanor, pulling him forward.

* * *

_“Destroy it!!! Go on!!! Throw it in the fire!”_

_“What are you waiting for? Just let it go!”_

_“The ring is mine,”_

_“No…NO!!!”_

_“AAAAAHHH!!!”_

_“YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!”_

Feanor huffed, watching Frodo fall with Gollum as Sam could not save him.

“This is not what happened,” Feanor said.

“Yes; yet, he blames himself for not being able to destroy the ring; he fell to temptation and him, letting go is the manifestation of his deepest desire; he wishes to fall to the fire for not being able to resist temptation; yet, he fears it still. When he falls, he wakes up.” Irmo said.

“You have figured it out then; what use is there for me? Advise him in whatever way you see fit,” Feanor said, leaving.

“You are the best person to advise him, Feanaro.” Irmo said.

“You expect too much yet know too little. Let him decide his fate even in his dreams. I will not be part of this,” Feanor said.

“You accepted when I asked for your help,” Irmo said.

“I did not; I was curious of your plan; I did not say outright that I will help;” Feanor said, turning to look at Irmo.

Irmo looked back at him;

“You will come back, Feanaro. I know it;” Irmo said, taking Feanor back to Lumbamar.

Feanor saw that he was back in Lumbamar. He looked at Irmo who bowed and headed off; Feanor headed back in the house. When he entered the house, he saw Beleg, Gwindor and Duilin sleeping on the floor, Mithrellas, Gelmir, Nimrodel and Gaeldes sleeping on the couch, and Penlod, Rog and Ecthelion sleeping on the dining table. Feanor headed to the kitchen and quietly got pots and pans. He then heard movement behind him. He ignored them as he got to work. He felt someone grab his sleeve. He looked down and saw Ecthelion as Rog was standing behind him.

“Do you need any help?” Ecthelion asked.

“No, I do not…what happened there?” Feanor asked, nodding at Rog’s knee as the bandage was already bloody.

“I slipped,” Rog said.

“He was running under the rain,” Ecthelion said as Feanor went somewhere.

“Sit,” Feanor said.

Rog sat down, looking at Feanor nervously as Ecthelion was watching. Feanor removed the bandage and examined the wound. He cleaned the wound then wrapped the bandage around his knee tightly.

“Thank you,” Rog said shyly.

Feanor nodded and went back to the kitchen to cook. Rog and Ecthelion looked at each other, unsure how to approach Feanor. They heard someone groan; they approached their sleeping friends and saw Gaeldes and Gelmir already awake.

“Good, you are awake; Feanor is here,” Ecthelion whispered.

“He is back?” Gaeldes asked.

She headed to the kitchen as their other friends woke up.

“Feanor! When did you arrive?” Gaeldes asked.

“A while ago; you should stay away from the kitchen, Gaeldes.” Feanor said.

Gaeldes frowned;

“But you let me help you earlier,” Gaeldes said.

“It is already late and I have not cooked dinner yet; it will be faster if you let me cook alone,” Feanor said.

Gaeldes frowned as she watched Feanor working alone. He seemed distant all of a sudden. Gaeldes went to Mithrellas who opened her arms and embraced her as Nimrodel patted her head.

When Feanor turned to look at the children, he saw them sitting around the dining table. He silently put the pot of soup there and got the bowls and spoons and placed them on the table.

“Pass it along,” Feanor said.

He did not watch them as he headed to the backyard. He sat on the swing and thought about what happened earlier.

“What do we do?” Ecthelion asked.

“We eat,” Duilin said.

“You always eat,” Penlod said.

“Yes, but what else can we do? We cannot just sit here and do nothing;” Duilin said.

“We can call him back,” Mithrellas said.

“Something must have happened when he left,” Nimrodel said, peeking outside.

“He seems deep in thought,” Beleg said as he too was peeking at Feanor who was sitting on the swing.

“Like I said, let us eat,” Duilin said.

“Yes, let us eat while waiting,” Gwindor said.

He and Mithrellas got soup for the younger ones; they ate the soup and looked around when they were done eating as Feanor was still outside.

“Should we clean?” Mithrellas asked.

“He is coming back!” Beleg exclaimed as he and Nimrodel ran back to sit down.

Feanor entered the house;

“You are done eating?” Feanor asked though he got the bowls and spoons and did not wait for them to answer.

He started washing the bowls and spoons; the children felt the awkward atmosphere as they looked at Feanor’s back. Feanor turned around, holding a bowl and a spoon;

“Why are you still sitting there?” Feanor asked.

The children looked at each other; though they looked at Beleg a little longer; Beleg sighed as he looked at Feanor who ate the soup while standing and leaning his back on the kitchen counter.

“We want to apologize,” Beleg said.

“For what?” Feanor asked, eating the soup.

“For hurting your feelings earlier,” Gwindor said.

“Do not apologize if your heart is not in it;” Feanor said.

“I sincerely apologize, Feanor,” Gwindor said.

Feanor looked at Gwindor who looked back determinedly.

“We met earlier and discussed that putting the blame on you is not appropriate; the things that happened to us, it was not your fault and we placed the blame on you because it was easier,” Mithrellas said.

Feanor looked away from Gwindor to look at Mithrellas who blushed under his gaze.

“We know that you want to be with your children rather than us; we know that while we suffer your presence, you are suffering our presence too. Since we live together, we decided to…be kinder,” Beleg said.

“Oh?” Feanor asked.

“Yes,” Beleg said.

“That is a practical thought;” Feanor said.

“We are sorry,” Gaeldes said, twisting her hands.

“I appreciate your thoughts and I accept your apology,” Feanor said.

The children visibly relaxed when they heard Feanor say that;

“Truly?” Penlod asked.

“Yes,” Feanor asked.

“It does not seem that way; the air around us is still heavy,” Gelmir said.

“I know of a way,” Gaeldes said. 

She motioned Feanor to bend down to her level. Feanor placed the bowl on the kitchen counter and bent down. Gaeldes jumped and held onto Feanor’s neck. When the former lords of Gondolin saw Gaeldes embrace Feanor, they looked at each other and shook their heads. Gelmir though, was led forward by Beleg.

“Come, Gelmir,” Gaeldes said after Feanor let go of her.

Gaeldes took Gelmir’s hands and placed them on Feanor’s hand.

“I accept your apology, Gelmir,” Feanor said.

Gelmir nodded;

“I feel much better,” Gaeldes said.

“I am glad,” Beleg said.

Feanor saw Nimrodel and Mithrellas nod to him as the former lords of Gondolin and Gwindor smiled. Feanor bowed his head and saw Beleg look at the others proudly.

“I guess this was your idea,” Feanor said.

“I helped them see the truth; it may hurt but it is temporary,” Beleg said.

“I wonder if you really need to be in this place,” Feanor said.

“I am a hypocrite; I see their misplaced anger but my heart fills with anger and pain; mostly regret but they do not need to know that,” Beleg said, approaching the other children.

Feanor watched the children before heading to his forge;

“ _We know that you want to be with your children rather than us…”_ Feanor remembered what Beleg said as he was seated inside his forge.

He remembered the past; how all his sons would enter his forge for one thing or another; some days, they would cause mischief; one time, even catching him unawares as he entered the forge and a bucket filled with water fell on his head. Feanor chuckled; he missed his children, but he knew that staying in Lumbamar rather than in Valinor is his punishment for what he did to his children and he accepts this punishment.

* * *

Feanor sighed when he could feel a familiar presence in his dream;

“Why are you in my dream?” Feanor asked, looking at Irmo.

Irmo smiled;

“I will be waking up now,” Feanor said.

“Not yet; please Feanaro; can you accompany me to Frodo Baggins?” Irmo asked.

“Do not tell me he dreams of that moment once more,” Feanor asked.

“Rather than tell you, it is better to show you,” Irmo said, pulling Feanor.

Feanor looked at Irmo disapprovingly; he looked at the scene in front of him.

_“Give me your hand,”_

_“Take my hand!”_

_“No!”_

_“Don’t you let go,”_

_“Don’t let go…REACH!”_

Feanor watched as Sam and Frodo ran out but the lava reached them; Irmo looked at Feanor as the scene changed into Lumbamar.

“He made up this scenario as a means to punish himself for his failure,” Feanor said.

“Yes,” Irmo said sadly.

Irmo looked at Feanor; he knew that Feanor understood what Frodo is going through.

“I will let you be from now on, Feanaro.” Irmo said.

Feanor nodded once;

The children woke up early and headed down together for breakfast. They saw that breakfast was ready though Feanor was nowhere to be found. They ate together and Gwindor and Mithrellas washed the plates together. They heard Beleg gasp.

“Finally! Hurry!” Beleg exclaimed, opening the door to the backyard.

They all headed out and they saw Feanor, fixing a target as there were other things in the backyard.

“We made a deal;” Feanor said

“Yes, we did,” Beleg said, smiling up at Feanor.

“Do we start now?” Duilin asked.

“No; you need to go through the obstacles I have made before you attempt to shoot at the target,” Feanor said.

“All of us?” Rog asked.

“I do not see why not; there are a lot of chores that need to be done,” Feanor said.

Feanor explained to them what needs to be done: they would ride the swing then walk through the rope bridge, climb the ladder and slide down then climb the rope then grab the flag and take it to him so that they can shoot. The children were excited and Feanor was excited as well.

“Gelmir, you can stay beside Feanor,” Gwindor said.

“I want to join too,” Gelmir said.

The other children, who were stretching, paused;

“Gelmir,” Gwindor started.

“I just need someone to guide me through the obstacles; please, I want to join,” Gelmir said.

“Gelmir, I am sorry but you might have a hard time completing the obstacles,” Gwindor said as he placed a hand on Gelmir’s shoulder.

Gelmir angrily removed Gwindor’s hand;

“IT IS ALREADY HARD FOR ME THAT I AM LIKE THIS AND THE FACT THAT YOU THINK I CANNOT DO IT MAKES IT HARDER!” Gelmir shouted;

“Brother, that is not what I mean,”

“No! You do not know what it feels like to be pushed aside just because you cannot see anything. You think you are protecting me but you are not.” Gelmir said, tears threatening to pour from his eyes.

“Gelmir, start stretching,” Feanor said.

Gwindor looked at Feanor;

“I will guide him; start stretching,” Feanor said.

Gwindor looked at Gelmir who rubbed his eyes and nose before stretching.

“I am ready!” Beleg exclaimed.

“Me too!” Nimrodel exclaimed.

“All right; Beleg, you start,” Feanor said.

The children were in a line from Beleg then Nimrodel, then Mithrellas, then Ecthelion, then Penlod, then Duilin, then Rog, then Gwindor, then Gaeldes and last was Gelmir. Feanor stood in the middle of the backyard, watching Beleg who zoomed past the rope bridge and up the ladder to slide down; however, when he climbed the rope, he was halfway and he started shaking.

“If you think you cannot reach the top, you can let go,” Feanor said.

Beleg jumped down, falling in the net made from rope tied together. He rolled until he reached the plank and heading down the steps;

“Try,” Feanor said, handing Beleg the bow and an arrow.

Beleg took a deep breath; he aimed and made a shot but he knew that the arrow would not reach the target.

“You wash the dishes,” Feanor said.

Beleg sighed; he watched as Nimrodel, Mithrellas, Ecthelion, Penlod, Duilin, Rog and Gwindor all failed to reach the top and getting the flag. They also failed in hitting the target, with the arrow falling short. The closest one to the target was Mithrellas but she still had to do chores. Gaeldes was helped up by Feanor in climbing the rope but she could not reach the top, even with Feanor holding her up. When it was Gelmir’s turn, Feanor guided him as the others were cheering. When he held the rope that he needed to climb, the cheering grew louder as Gelmir continued climbing even though his arms were shaking. Gelmir then felt that it was enough as his arms were already getting tired; he let go and felt arms take hold of him.

“I cannot believe it,” Gwindor said.

Gelmir smiled; he could hear Gwindor’s choked voice.

“You were so close, Gelmir! Maybe if you practice more, you can reach the top,” Mithrellas said.

“How about you try shooting the arrow?” Feanor asked.

Gelmir looked at the direction of where Feanor’s voice was coming from. He felt Feanor place the bow and arrow in his hands. He could not speak and he could not move;

‘How can this ner believe that I can do it? He does not make me feel less of an elf. It was so long ago that someone believed in me,’

Gelmir had tears in his eyes as he felt Feanor help him aim towards the target.

“Release,” Feanor said.

Gelmir released the arrow; he knew though, that he did not reach the target though he could hear his other companions cheering him on. Gelmir raised a hand and he felt a big hand hold his.

‘Thank you for believing in me,’ He thought as he squeezed the hand.

* * *

Frodo found himself in Mt. Doom; Gollum already fell in the lava and he held onto the rocks.

_“Give me your hand,”_

 _“Take my hand!”_ Sam shouted.

Frodo shook his head and was about to let go of the rock but something was stopping him.

“I think, Frodo Baggins, you need to take his hand to get this over with or truly let go; to be honest, I am tired of this dream of yours;”

Frodo gaped as he saw an elf, sitting cross-legged beside Sam. The elf scanned his hand then his surroundings.

“Well?” The elf asked.

“W-who are you?” Frodo asked.

Frodo jumped when their surroundings changed to that of outside Mt. Doom. The Eye of Sauron was still looking around. When the elf saw the Eye, he glared then looked away to look at Frodo who was looking up at him with an open mouth.

“You are a curious fellow, Frodo Baggins; you are strange but…enticing,” The elf said.

Frodo took a step back;

“P-please don’t eat me,” Frodo said.

“Eat you? Do not exaggerate, Frodo Baggins. I should have used a different word; intriguing; you are intriguing. Now, to answer your question, I am Feanor.”

“Feanor?! Impossible!” Frodo exclaimed.

“I am here because Irmo asked for my help and I was curious. I have been observing you, Frodo Baggins; for days, I have observed you and your dreams that always center around one theme and I grow tired of this theme.” Feanor said.

“How come you are here? Irmo asked for your help?” Frodo asked.

“You see, Mr. Baggins, the Feanturi and their sister believe that I can help them in their experiment. I have been overseeing ten fëar though they deem that I can help fourteen fëar including yours; as I observe you, I realize that indeed, you are not healed despite your presence in Valinor; the problem is not of your surroundings but what is inside of you…not this but this,” Feanor said, holding the place where he was stabbed by the Morgul blade before moving to that of where his heart was.

“What do you mean?” Frodo asked.

Feanor looked at Frodo exasperatedly;

“I know you realize that you always hope to change the past; you hope that there was a way to redeem yourself. You cannot change the past, Frodo Baggins. You, repeating your dream over and over again slowly destroys you; as I observe you, the more you suffer and I can no longer stand aside.” Feanor said.

Frodo frowned;

“I could not destroy it; I fell to its temptation. I should not be in Valinor,” Frodo whispered;

“There is nothing you can do about it, Frodo Baggins. You are already in Valinor. What you do now, moving forward, is what matters; yes, you fell to its temptation, and so? The ring is destroyed. Do not linger on the fact that you fell to its temptation and that you were not the one to destroy it. Linger on the good thing that it was destroyed; I do hope this conversation helps you; goodbye,” Feanor said, leaving Frodo who awoke.

“What a strange dream,” Frodo said, looking out.

* * *

Feanor was getting ready for tomorrow as he would meet with Nienna. He suddenly heard a familiar voice; he sighed;

_“Destroy it!!! Go on!!! Throw it in the fire!”_

_“What are you waiting for? Just let it go!”_

Frodo turned and saw a frowning Feanor behind Sam. Frodo looked down, ashamed to have the same dream again.

“We should stop meeting in this place, Frodo Baggins,” Feanor said, approaching Frodo.

“Just call me Frodo,” Frodo said, sighing.

They were outside Mt. Doom;

“It has been a few days since I stopped dreaming but when I saw Celebrimbor, I remembered it once again,”

Feanor turned and looked at Frodo;

“You saw my grandson?” Feanor asked in a whisper;

“I visited your home together with Lord Elrond…they talk about you; I should have known that you were Feanor but my eyes are not like they were.” Frodo said. 

“Are they…” Feanor paused, unsure whether he should ask about them.

Frodo smiled;

“They miss you; maybe when I wake up, I can tell them that I saw you and you are asking after them,” Frodo said.

“Frodo Baggins, thank you for your kindness; however, you are the one who needs help,” Feanor said.

“I will stop dreaming again, I am sure.” Frodo said, walking after Feanor who was walking at a slow pace.

“I am not so sure; there is grief in your heart; I feel it. There is something else that keeps you dreaming this particular dream,” Feanor said.

Frodo heaved a sigh; he closed his eyes;

“I was thinking of my uncle,”

“Bilbo Baggins?” Feanor asked.

“How did you know?” Frodo asked, looking up at Feanor in shock.

“I have seen you in my amme’s loom; you are closely related to my house after all,” Feanor said.

“Yes; I was thinking of him. He passed away peacefully…did you see him in the halls?” Frodo asked.

“Nay; your time in Mt. Doom brings you to remember your uncle? You have a peculiar mind, Frodo,” Feanor said.

“No! I just…I keep thinking that my uncle would have done better than me,”

“You do not know that;” Feanor said.

“I was just thinking about it,”

“It does not help you to compare yourself to your uncle; you have different lives for a reason;” Feanor said.

“I know that,” Frodo said.

“I compared myself to others in my past life; I believed I was better than them; I failed to see that we all have different lives and that comparing myself to them makes me less than who I truly am and who I truly can be,” Feanor said.

Frodo looked at Feanor;

“Death truly changes you, huh?” Frodo asked.

“It is not death that changed me; it is love that did,” Feanor said.

Frodo stopped, looking at Feanor who took a few steps forward before stopping.

“If you continue following me, Frodo, you will be staying with me and ten other fëar in Lumbamar. It is a place within Nienna’s halls that both Irmo and Namo can enter. Irmo grants you permission to enter Lumbamar through dreams. You can stop following me and you can wake up,” Feanor said.

“I wish to follow you; like you, I am curious,” Frodo said.

Feanor smiled and bent down to offer his hand to Frodo who took it. Feanor smiled wider as he and Frodo headed to Lumbamar.

* * *

Frodo could hear voices around him but he did not mind it.

“What is it?”

“Is he a naugrim?”

“I do not think so,”

“He cannot possibly be a Man!”

“Why are his feet like this?”

“OW!!!” Frodo awoke when he felt someone pull on the hairs on his feet.

“He is awake!”

Frodo looked around him and saw ten children around him.

“Greetings,” Frodo said.

“It can speak like us,” One of the girls said.

“What are you?”

“He is a hobbit,”

“Gandalf!” Frodo exclaimed, running to Gandalf who appeared with Feanor.

When Frodo embraced him, he noticed that his head only reached Gandalf’s waist.

“How is this possible?” Frodo asked.

“You became a child as are all the occupants of Lumbamar,” Gandalf said.

“How?” Frodo asked.

“That is the way of the Feanturi and their sister;” Feanor said.

“They hope that the cheer and innocence of children can help those who are lost and weary; I believe that it helped, somewhat,” Gandalf said.

“I am leaving,” Feanor announced;

“Where are you going?” Frodo asked as Gandalf or Olorin held his head.

“I have a meeting with Nienna; I leave you under the guidance of Olorin; as I have told you, this is Frodo Baggins, he will be here from time-to-time, whenever he feels like coming here. Olorin is familiar with him, thus, he can explain better who our new friend is,” Feanor said.

Frodo could see curious eyes looking at him; Olorin bowed at Feanor;

“Please, do not take long,” Olorin said.

“It depends on those two,” Feanor said.

Olorin bowed as Feanor left the house.

“At least you are here with me, Gandalf,” Frodo said, looking up at Olorin before looking at the ten children in front who asked Olorin about Frodo at the same time.

* * *

Feanor reached a familiar place in the Halls of Namo; he saw a familiar figure approaching him.

“Amme!” Feanor exclaimed, running towards the figure and embracing the nis.

“Oh my son, I am glad to see you; I was just on my way to Lumbamar. Lady Nienna told me that you have a new occupant and that weaving a blanket for him can help comfort him the way my blankets comfort the ones already staying in Lumbamar.” Miriel said.

“Yes amme…I have missed you,” Feanor said, kissing Miriel’s hands.

“I have missed you too, my love;” Miriel held Feanor’s cheek, rubbing it with her thumb;

She looked into his eyes and smiled;

“I am so proud of you and what you are accomplishing, my son.” Miriel whispered;

“It is still under development,” Feanor said.

Miriel embraced Feanor;

“Still, you have done well,” She whispered;

“Feanaro,”

Miriel let go and bowed at Nienna who took Feanor’s hands; Miriel smiled at Feanor before heading off to the Halls of Nienna.

“I heard that you have brought Frodo Baggins to Lumbamar,” Nienna said.

“Yes; good thing Olorin is there with him; he knows more about him and can help the children know more about him and his kind,” Feanor said.

“I also heard that you are slowly learning to trust one another and Lumbamar is slowly turning to a place of comfort for the ones inside,” Nienna said.

“We are trying;” Feanor said.

“We will go deep into my brother's halls to fetch one of the fëar that needs healing,” Nienna said.

“Yes; Maeglin Lomion?” Feanor asked.

“We tried our best but he is afraid and grieving,” Nienna said.

They reached a familiar place to Feanor who did not want to be here as it reminded him of the time he felt alone;

“Here he is,”

When Feanor looked ahead, he saw a familiar boy crying at the corner of the room;

“Feanaro?” Nienna asked, seeing Feanor frozen beside her.

Feanor took one step after another forward; he then fell to his knees in front of the boy who looked at him with wild eyes. Feanor reached out and enveloped Maeglin in a hug but he thrashed around.

“Let go of me!”

Feanor did not let go; he ran a hand through Maeglin’s hair as he hushed him; he did not mind the pain he was feeling as Maeglin hit him to make him let go. The moment he saw Maeglin, he knew the boy needed someone to hold him the same way he needed someone to hold him when he was younger.

“I am sorry,” Feanor whispered as tears fell from his eyes as he held Maeglin who stopped struggling when he heard the apology. Maeglin buried his head on Feanor’s shoulder and cried;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaeldes was killed by orcs during the War of the Last Alliance; she was part of Oropher's Army; I wonder if you can find out who she is when she was alive.  
> In this story, Irmo can enter dreams and gave Feanor the chance to enter dreams; Feanor can only enter dreams when he hears their voices; Irmo is the one who makes him hear their voices in Lumbamar. He can only enter dreams when he sleeps; though, Feanor is an insomniac in the story, Irmo makes sure Feanor falls asleep easily whenever he deems that Frodo needs Feanor.  
> The italicized scenes in Frodo's dreams are dialogues from the movie;  
> Frodo becomes a child in Lumbamar; I see him around the same height as Gaeldes though he is the eldest child amongst the ones in Lumbamar.  
> The next chapter might take long as I am busy looking for a job. :'( please wish me luck! hahaha!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update after months! I hope to update next year again. For this chapter, the four lords of Gondolin and Maeglin might be OOC. I just want this chapter to be dramatic. This might not be what happened with the whole Gondolin and Maeglin business but for this story, this is what happened during the Gondolin and Maeglin business. I hope you like this!

When Maeglin realized what he was doing, he pushed Feanor away with all the strength he can muster.

“Leave me alone!” Maeglin shouted, burying his head in his arms.

“I will not leave you alone. You have been left for too long. I will not allow myself to walk away and leave you here on your own,” Feanor said, holding Maeglin’s head.

Feanor’s heart hurt; he remembered his childhood as he looked at Maeglin.

“I know what it feels like to scream yet no one listens; I know what it feels like to be viewed as the enemy and deemed marred without looking past themselves for their mistakes; I know because I felt them too and I will not let you remain here and feel those things again,” Feanor said.

“SHUT UP! Nobody understands me! Nobody!” Maeglin exclaimed.

“I can…I know what it feels like to be treated as an outcast. I was once treated that way too. I know what it feels to grieve when no one else knows how…I know what it feels like to grieve without no one else knowing how to help you,” Feanor squat down beside Maeglin.

“When I was young, my mother died because her hröa got weak from my birth. My father remarried. Nobody asked me what I felt; maybe in a place like Valinor, there is no place for grief. Because they believe that death and grief are part of Arda Marred and because of this, they think I am marred; you see, I wanted to show them that I am not…that I am worthier than all of them. In the end, I failed…” Feanor gulped;

“The only regret I have is that my actions caused the destruction of my sons’ lives and happiness.”

“You only regret your actions when it is already too late,” Maeglin said spitefully.

“I moved on from regret. I know that I made mistakes. I took responsibility for them; I try to make a change for the better. I am doing it now, to the best of my abilities; that is all I can do to live, Maeglin Lomion.” Feanor said.

He looked at Maeglin;

“I think it is time for you to stand up and try to change, Maeglin Lomion.” Feanor said.

Maeglin scoffed;

“Nobody wants me to leave,”

“Who cares about what other people think? What do you think?” Feanor asked.

“I deserve to stay here;” Maeglin said.

“Do you believe that or are you just telling yourself that because that is what others tell you?” Feanor asked, standing up.

Maeglin looked down;

“I know you are afraid of judgment from others; I know you fear that no one loves you but that is not true…listen, your life is yours to live. They give you a chance, it is time to take it,” Feanor said.

Maeglin looked down; Feanor sighed;

“It is your choice,” Feanor said.

He turned to leave when Maeglin asked.

“Why did you apologize to me?”

“Because you need to hear that someone cares enough to apologize for all the wrongs that happened to you; because I came to find you too late too;” Feanor said.

Maeglin was silent;

“Will you tell me honestly what you feel?” Feanor asked as he paused by the door.

“I feel…tired…I am tired of being here,” Maeglin said; he looked at Feanor with sad and tired eyes.

“Then come with me; let me help you,” Feanor said, turning to face Maeglin.

“How?” Maeglin asked.

“We will get there,” Feanor said, kneeling down.

Maeglin looked at Feanor who was looking at him intensely. Feanor did not say it but his eyes were telling him of his conviction to help him.

“Take me with you…please, take me with you,”

Feanor grinned and embraced Maeglin. He took Maeglin’s hand and headed out to the hall. He felt Maeglin stop and pull him back.

“Where are we going?” Maeglin asked.

“Home,” Feanor said.

“Home? Valinor?” Maeglin asked.

Feanor laughed;

“No, better,” Feanor said.

He pulled Maeglin and they ran out of the Halls of Mandos with Feanor, not caring about the looks sent his way. Feanor stopped when he saw Namo and Nienna ahead;

“Finally, you were able to bring him out,” Namo said.

“I am glad you found someone who will help you heal, Maeglin Lomion,” Nienna said.

“I am glad he allowed me to take him away,” Feanor said.

“You are very convincing, Feanaro,” Nienna said.

She and Namo stepped aside and let Feanor and Maeglin pass.

“You are now friends with the Valar?” Maeglin asked.

“We are collaborating on a project,” Feanor said.

Maeglin looked at Feanor curiously. He walked beside Feanor; he looked at their combined hands. When he looked up at him, he felt as though Feanor got bigger;

“When you head to Lumbamar, you become a child,” Feanor said.

“Why?” Maeglin asked.

“The Valar believe that when the Eldar were children, they felt happier and had the sense of freedom, that is why you are a child,” Feanor said.

“Oh…” Maeglin said, blinking as he tried to stay awake.

They stopped for a bit and Maeglin fell asleep; Feanor carried him on his back as he could already see Lumbamar.

Olorin sighed as the children were already sleeping in their rooms. He was about to start smoking when he heard the door open to reveal Feanor, carrying a sleeping child on his back.

“Do not smoke in here,” Feanor said, glaring at Olorin.

“I was not…so, you are successful in bringing Maeglin Lomion,” Olorin said.

“Yes…how were the children?” Feanor asked.

“Good; they are asleep. They played for a bit but were mostly sitting together and telling stories about the beauty of Arda.” Olorin said.

“That is good; thank you for your help,” Feanor said.

Olorin bowed; he headed off as Feanor brought Maeglin to his room. Feanor checked on each of the children; he smiled when he saw Frodo embracing a new blanket. He closed the door to his room and remembered to create plaques. He headed to his room and lied on his bed. He fell asleep instantly.

Feanor headed down the stairs and saw the children awake.

“Where’s Frodo?” Mithrellas asked as she looked around.

“He might be back in Valinor,” Feanor said.

“He can do that?” Nimrodel asked.

“Yes; he lives in Valinor but he has bad dreams regarding his experience with the Ring,” Feanor said.

“And his dreams send him here?” Beleg asked.

“Yes,” Feanor said, heading to the kitchen.

“And I thought living in Valinor gets everyone healed; I was wrong,” Duilin said.

“Valinor is not a perfect place; not everyone is happy in Valinor,” Feanor said as he started mashing potatoes.

“Is that why you were adamant to leave?” Ecthelion asked.

“It was a factor,” Feanor said.

Feanor fried the mashed potatoes (1). He could hear their stomachs grumbling.

“What did you eat when I was not around?” Feanor asked.

“The leftover stew; Frodo ate most of it,” Rog said.

“Olorin did not feed you?” Feanor asked.

“Well, it could be better. Frodo said that he will ask his friend, Sam for recipes.” Mithrellas said.

Feanor nodded;

“By the way children, we have a new occupant here.” Feanor said.

“Is that why you were gone yesterday?” Gaeldes asked.

“Yes; I brought a new friend over,” Feanor said.

“Who?” Beleg asked.

“His name is Maeglin Lom…” Feanor was cut off when the Lords of Gondolin stood up; they looked angry.

“Why is he here?!” Penlod asked angrily.

“That traitor should not be here!” Duilin exclaimed.

“He is already here; Nienna and Namo asked me to take him here and he will stay here,” Feanor said.

Rog cursed and headed off.

“We would never let that monster come near us,” Penlod hissed as he followed Rog out.

“We can accept you, but him, no.” Duilin said.

Ecthelion followed his friends out as Feanor sighed;

“I knew it would be difficult for them;” Feanor said.

“Yet, you still accept Maeglin Lomion here,” Beleg said.

“Yes; I accept him,” Feanor said.

“Why? I mean, we know of him; we heard the stories about him. I understand why they are angry,” Mithrellas said.

“I too, understand but I also understand Maeglin Lomion’s side. He was seeking a friend and found none. Excuse me,” Feanor got some food and placed them on a plate. He headed up the stairs.

* * *

Maeglin awoke when he felt a pain in his stomach; he heard his stomach grumble; he looked around and saw that he was in a room. He opened the door quietly and looked around. He took a step then another and heard raised voices.

“…That traitor should not be here!”

Maeglin could not believe the voice he was hearing; it was Duilin’s; he heard Feanor respond and then heard Rog curse and head off. Maeglin went up the stairs and entered his room. He hid underneath the blankets and curled up in a ball. He whimpered as he was hungry and hurt. Maeglin then heard a knock on the door.

“Go away!” Maeglin shouted.

“I brought food,” Maeglin heard Feanor say.

“I’m not hungry!” Maeglin shouted.

He heard the door open and caught the smell of the food; his stomach grumbled loudly; Maeglin cursed silently; He heard Feanor chuckle.

“Get out of bed and eat.” Feanor said.

Maeglin peeked and saw Feanor, sitting on a chair in front of his dresser table where he saw the plate. Maeglin looked at the door;

“I locked it. How did you get in?” Maeglin asked.

“I have a key,” Feanor said.

Maeglin approached Feanor who got up from the chair and let Maeglin sit down. Feanor sat on his bed as Maeglin ate. When Maeglin finished a piece, he stopped.

“Are you not going to ask me?” Maeglin asked.

“Ask you what?” Feanor asked.

“Ask me to leave; majority of your occupants do not want me here. It is best that I go,” Maeglin said.

“Where would you go? Back to Namo’s halls? There is nothing for you there. You already accepted my offer; that means, you accept that you will face them,” Feanor said.

“I did not know that I would stay with them!” Maeglin exclaimed.

“Now you do,”

“Do not treat this lightly!” Maeglin exclaimed.

“I am not; I told you, this is your chance and you took it. Taking this chance means you will face those whom you have wronged. What you will do now, decides what life you will live from here on out.” Feanor said.

Maeglin turned away from Feanor. He finished eating;

“I am done eating,” Maeglin said, setting the plate aside then crossing his arms.

Feanor took the plate; he took a look at Maeglin who ignored him. Feanor left;

* * *

Rog, Duilin, Penlod and Ecthelion were outside;

“He cannot be here; he just cannot be here!” Penlod exclaimed.

“He already is,” Ecthelion said.

“He betrayed us! He betrayed his people!” Duilin exclaimed.

“Did you really treat him like one of you? I do not think so,”

They looked up and saw Feanor, looking at them.

“This is between us; do not intrude,” Penlod said.

“Do you even know what was going on with him? Did you or your people try to understand him?” Feanor asked. He was taking deep breaths, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Our king loved him and treated him like a son and he spat in his face!” Rog exclaimed.

“Your king only loved him out of guilt; I do not think that is truly love. You discriminated him, all because of your prejudice against his father. He is not his father; You broke him…you drove him to the arms of Morgoth who used his weakness against him. You were all blind to his suffering just so you can keep your precious little city. Valinor is not perfect, the same is true for Gondolin.”

“What about you, huh? You started a war with your jewels,” Penlod said, hitting Feanor who caught his arm.

“Do not shift the focus on me, boy. I know what I caused and yet here you are, blind to your sins. You all shift the blame on little Maeglin, the traitor, the weakling who told Morgoth the whereabouts of Gondolin, your perfect city. You cannot even see that within those walls, darkness festered. Maeglin is not the only cause of Gondolin’s destruction. You are too; you are enablers of Gondolin’s destruction. You did nothing.” Feanor said.

“We protected our city!” Rog exclaimed, but Feanor did not seem to hear him.

“You stood aside when no one else even came to help him. No one else tried to understand him even after his mother was dead. You treated him as a marred individual because you all believe that someone like him caused his mother’s death and that should not be in your perfect home. He is not marred. He was grieving. You viewed him as a monster when all he wanted was to be loved truly and accepted.” Feanor let go of Penlod’s arm harshly.

Penlod’s friends helped him up as everyone else who went outside after hearing the commotion, looked at Feanor who stomped to the forge.

* * *

Feanor was hammering hard; he cursed as he broke another piece again. Feanor sat down and held his head; he heard the sound of the door, opening.

“Get out!” Feanor growled.

“Were you talking about Maeglin Lomion or were you talking about yourself?”

Feanor looked up and saw Nienna; he rolled his eyes.

“Well, there is not much difference is there? Our mothers died saving their sons so they can live. Their fathers or the ones they view as fathers gave them love born out of guilt and the people surrounding them treat them like a curse, different, marred; it is no wonder it was easy for Morgoth to manipulate us both. It is also unfortunate that our mothers’ sacrifices brought nothing but pain and suffering. I guess you are correct in your assumption that we truly are marred who do not deserve a place in Valinor or in Maeglin’s case, Gondolin.” Feanor said.

“You are not marred, Feanaro,”

Feanor scoffed;

“Yet the people do not think so; they should be punished as well,” Feanor said.

“Do not blame others…” Nienna was cut off by Feanor.

“Oh, I am not blaming them! I am just saying that they are no worse than Morgoth! They did nothing! That is why I say, Morgoth alone, Maeglin or I alone, did not destroy Gondolin or the so-called peace in Valinor. Those who stood by, those who watched as we slowly crumbled under the injustice we faced, those who did not even speak…they are worse. For centuries, I have kept this within my fëa. I dare not speak of it; but now, I am not afraid to say it because you need to hear it.” Feanor said.

Nienna was about to speak when Feanor raised his hands.

“We scream but no one would listen.” Feanor said.

“The Valar listen; we listen,” Nienna said.

Feanor scoffed;

“You were the first ones who stood aside. Why? Why did you let them treat us like outcasts?” Feanor asked. 

Tears fell from Nienna’s eyes; Nienna held Feanor’s shoulders;

“We did stand aside; we are now doing the best that we can so that we will no longer do what we have done before. The same is true with you, Feanaro. Please, do not give up. The children need you now, more than ever. You make them see the truth, you understand them and you accept them,” Nienna said.

“Others can do it better,”

“No, only you, Feanaro. You experienced it; no one else can say the same. We, the Valar, do not feel things the way you do. We failed you; we failed them; by asking for your help, we hope that with this, we can learn and you and the children find healing,” Nienna said.

Feanor shook his head; Nienna kissed Feanor’s head. Feanor felt comforted. He looked up and saw that Nienna was gone. Feanor sighed; 

* * *

Maeglin was quiet as he hid, listening in on the conversation of Nimrodel, Mithrellas and Gaeldes who were in the living room.

“What did Feanor mean about Maeglin not being his father?” Gaeldes asked.

“I heard that his father tried to kill him when he and his mother left their home for Gondolin where the four boys lived. Maeglin’s mother is the king’s sister and well, when his father tried to kill him with a poisonous spear, his mother took the spear intended for him,” Mithrellas said.

“Oh no,” Gaeldes said.

“Then, the king punished Maeglin’s father with death by throwing him down the tower,”

Gaeldes gasped;

“Oh, poor Maeglin!” Gaeldes exclaimed.

“It was better for him. The king loved him yet he stalked Itarille, our princess who found darkness in his heart. In the end, he betrayed Gondolin,” Duilin said.

“Still, I pity him. His mother died protecting him and the king, his uncle, punished his father with death. I do not want to live a life like his,” Gaeldes said.

“You should not pity him; he willingly gave the information to Morgoth. It is because of him that thousands of our people are dead. He is the reason why we are dead, and our city destroyed,” Penlod said.

Maeglin stormed down the stairs; he saw Mithrellas, Gaeldes, Nimrodel, Penlod, Duilin, Ecthelion and Rog in the living room. Some looked at him with apathy, others, with hatred.

“I did not willingly give the information to Morgoth! You make accusations without knowing the truth!” Maeglin shouted.

“The truth is, you only wanted Itarille. You came for her during the siege. You do not deserve a second chance,” Duilin said.

“That is not your decision to make; the Valar decided that I deserve a second chance,”

“No matter what, you will always be a traitor,” Penlod said.

Maeglin could not take it anymore; he ran towards Penlod and pushed him down. Maeglin punched Penlod as his friends grabbed him off Penlod and started punching Maeglin. Beleg, Gwindor and Mithrellas tried to stop the fight but they were pushed back.

“STOP IT! PLEASE!” Gelmir screamed.

Nimrodel told Gaeldes to run to get Feanor. Gaeldes ran out, crying as Nimrodel tried to help in breaking up the fighting.

* * *

Feanor was finished creating the plaques when he heard the door open.

“I should bolt the door,” Feanor said.

Suddenly, he heard crying and felt someone embracing his midsection tightly. He looked down and saw Gaeldes.

“What is wrong, Gaeldes?”

“Come! It is Maeglin and the others! They are fighting!”

Feanor picked Gaeldes up and he ran in the house and saw everyone with bruises as they were still trying to fight.

“STOP!” Feanor shouted.

The children stopped fighting when they saw an angry-Feanor; Maeaglin though, looked ready to fight.

“Go to your rooms, all of you,” Feanor said.

When none moved, Feanor placed his hands on his hips and towered over them.

“I said, go to your rooms,” Feanor said.

Mithrellas and Nimrodel helped each other up as Gaeldes approached them and joined them up the stairs. Beleg and Gwindor helped each other and they looked at the five boys worriedly. Gelmir held Gwindor’s hand and the three boys left. Feanor stood between Maeglin and the four former lords of Gondolin. Maeglin was about to approach the four former lords when Feanor grabbed his collar.

“I willingly went to Morgoth, I wanted him to kill all of you. I wanted you to die. Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that comfort you because finally, you hear what you wanted to hear from my mouth?” Maeglin asked the four boys in front of him.

“At least you finally speak the truth,” Rog said.

The four former lords of Gondolin headed up to their rooms, leaving Feanor with Maeglin who was shaking. Maeglin sat on the floor then he hugged his knees closer to himself. Feanor looked at him as Maeglin was crying silently. Feanor knelt down beside Maeglin and held his head.

“Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. No one wants to hear anything from the mouth of a traitor…a monster. The stories they tell about me…they are not wholly true. Feanor, I do not want to be here. I’m leaving,” Maeglin stood up but stopped when Feanor held his wrist.

“Maeglin, people are biased; they only wish to hear what they want to hear and they will tune out what they do not want to hear. Just say your truth, Maeglin, there will be those who will listen and those who will not. When you apologize, there will be those who will accept your apology and those who will not; it is up to them to decide whether to forgive you or not and it is up to you to decide how you will go forward.” Feanor said.

Feanor moved closer and embraced Maeglin tightly;

“Not everyone has forgiven me, you know; and that is fine; I know that what I did was wrong. I know that it hurt others. I apologized and let them know that I sincerely am remorseful. Some took time to accept my apology. Others did not accept my apology, but I did not dwell on those who did not accept my apology because it does not matter anymore. They are happy with their lives and I am happy with mine; I learned my lesson, I will no longer do the things I did in the past that caused hurt; that is what matters,”

“What if no one accepts my apology?”

“That is up to them; what will you do? Will you repeat the things you have done before?”

“Of course not! I know that I was wrong but they committed mistakes too,”

“That is up to them to realize; I have come to realize that in the end, it was our actions. We apologize for the actions we committed. It is also up to us to decide if what they did to us in the past will still affect us now.” Feanor said.

“I cannot help it. I still remember…everything,” Maeglin said, looking up at Feanor whose eyes softened;

“I know but look to those whom you love; that will make it easier,” Feanor said.

“Who do I look towards?” Maeglin asked in a whisper.

“Irisse, your house…” Feanor suddenly chuckled;

“You can look to me too, if you like. I will be your example,” Feanor said.

Maeglin scoffed then he smiled a small smile. Feanor hummed; Maeglin had the same smile as Finwe.

“Thank you;” Maeglin said.

Feanor stood up as Maeglin sat down on a chair, heaving a sigh. Feanor and Maeglin heard taps and saw Gelmir.

“Gelmir?” Feanor asked.

“I wish to talk to Maeglin if you do not mind,”

Feanor and Maeglin looked at each other. Feanor led Gelmir to Maeglin who looked anxious. Gelmir reached a hand out to Maeglin who was unsure whether to take it. While he was deciding, Gelmir put out both his hands and touched whatever part of Maeglin he can touch. His hands then rested on either side of Maeglin’s face. Gelmir was frowning; Maeglin did not know what to do. Gelmir took a deep breath before letting go of Maeglin. Maeglin looked at Feanor who was looking at Gelmir. Feanor watched what was happening.

“I was there too.” Gelmir whispered.

Maeglin looked at Gelmir.

“Were you scared?” Gelmir asked.

Maeglin was silent;

“I thought I was not, but I was. I was older than you when I was taken, and I was not brought to him but you were. He wanted you; he wanted someone to use; that is how he is…that is how they are. He wants to turn Eru’s children against each other. Maybe if I was brought to him, I would have revealed everything too. Others make it sound like we are so brave; I was not. I was a nobody but sometimes, I feel like I should have just let them turn me into an orc rather than suffer this fate.” Gelmir said.

“Do not say such things!” Feanor exclaimed.

“Oh, you are there,” Gelmir said, looking to where he heard Feanor’s voice.

“Gelmir?” They heard Gwindor ask.

“Please do not tell him about what I said,” Gelmir whispered.

“There you are! We should go back to our rooms, Gelmir,” Gwindor said.

Gelmir stood up and let Gwindor lead him back to his room. Feanor looked at Gelmir worriedly.

Maeglin did not feel comforted with what Gelmir said but he knew that he was scared that day. He winced, remembering the time he was found and taken to Morgoth. Maeglin started hitting his head;

“Get out of my head! Get out of my head!” Maeglin shouted as his mind relived the time he was taken to Morgoth.

“Maeglin! Maeglin! Lomion! You are safe here; you are safe,” Feanor said, holding Maeglin.

Maeglin was struggling against Feanor. Maeglin cried;

“I cannot stay here; please, let me go back. I want to go back, Feanor!” Maeglin exclaimed.

Feanor held Maeglin’s head;

“Out of everyone, you are the one I want to heal the most,” Feanor said.

“You cannot heal me…please, let me go back,” Maeglin pleaded.

Feanor looked at Maeglin intently; Feanor embraced him and kissed his forehead. Feanor nodded;

Maeglin opened his eyes and saw that it was dark; he left his room quietly. He paused when he saw that at the door was a wooden plaque with his name. He sighed;

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Maeglin whispered.

He went down the stairs and out when he heard a voice.

“Wait for me,” Feanor said.

“You do not have to accompany me,” Maeglin said.

“I want to,” Feanor said.

Maeglin nodded; he let Feanor take his hand as they headed to Namo’s halls.

“WAIT! WAIT!”

Feanor and Maeglin turned and saw a running Ecthelion. He stopped in front of the two and took deep breaths.

“Maeglin,” He started as he stood up straight to face Maeglin. He looked at Feanor who nodded;

“I will be at the side,” Feanor said.

“What?” Maeglin asked coldly.

Maeglin was shocked when Ecthelion knelt before him.

“Your mother was my friend; we protected her and watched out for her. When she…when she passed, she made me promise to protect you like she did. I failed her. I failed you. I did not even comfort you even though I saw you grieving. I was there when your father was killed, and I did not even think about you. I thought your father’s death was justified because he killed my friend. I lost my friend because of him. I did not even think about you and what you lost on that day; you lost more than what I lost or what the king lost that day. I did not even consider that you love your father and how hurt you must have felt with what he did. We did not even ask you of your opinion when the biggest transgression he committed was not on the King but on you, his son whom he tried to kill. We were all so selfish that we hid behind our duty when we should not have. I am sorry that I failed you. I am sorry that I never once thought that you can be saved from the darkness we created around you. I am sorry that we brought you torment,” Ecthelion bowed his head.

“Thank you for your apology, Ecthelion. I appreciate it. It is good to hear an apology. Now, it is my turn to apologize,”

Maeglin knelt before Ecthelion as well; Ecthelion looked up and saw Maeglin bowing.

“I am sorry for my actions. I know that my actions are not easy to forgive but I am sincerely remorseful. I know that a simple apology is not enough but I wish to give you an apology. Because of my actions, you died. I am sorry,” Maeglin said.

Ecthelion nodded;

“Thank you for your apology too, Maeglin. I know it is sincere. While it is sincere, I do not know if you truly are remorseful unless I see a change; therefore, I cannot accept your apology. I know that you too, have not accepted mine,” Ecthelion said.

Maeglin looked up;

“Like you said, I am not sure if you truly mean it,” Maeglin said.

“Lady Nienna created Lumbamar with Feanor as our minder in the hopes that we can find healing. Maybe we will accept our apologies when we stay together and truly know if we meant our apologies,” Ecthelion said.

“What about your other friends?” Maeglin asked.

“Well, it is up to them to decide,” Ecthelion said.

Maeglin hesitantly held out his hand; Ecthelion took it and they helped each other stand.

“We are not friends,” Maeglin said.

“Yes; we are just children who live together,” Ecthelion said. 

Feanor went closer to them;

“Which way?” Feanor asked.

Maeglin looked at Feanor thoughtfully; he looked at Ecthelion who nodded at them before heading to the direction he came from. Maeglin took a deep breath and nodded;

“What you said about apologizing sincerely...I feel myself getting better,” Maeglin said.

“Really?” Feanor asked.

“Even though he has not accepted it, at least he knows,” Maeglin said.

“Hmm…”

“He also apologized which adds to it. I made a decision,” Maeglin looked at Feanor and nodded;

Feanor smiled and bowed his head at Maeglin who followed towards the direction Ecthelion was going. Feanor smiled and followed him;

“Ecthelion!” Feanor called.

Ecthelion turned and waited for the two to get closer to him. Ecthelion walked beside Feanor.

“I heard you apologized,” Feanor said.

Ecthelion blushed; (2)

“I did,” Ecthelion said.

“What made you decide to apologize?” Feanor asked.

“What you said…it was all true,” Ecthelion said.

Feanor looked at Ecthelion who continued;

“There was darkness in the White City, and we chose to turn a blind eye; you spoke truly yet it hurts,” Ecthelion said.

“That is how it is,” Feanor said.

“It is,” Ecthelion said.

Before they could reach the house, Maeglin was becoming drowsy. He was leaning against Feanor as they were walking. Feanor sighed and carried Maeglin on his back.

“It has been an eventful day for this little one,” Feanor said.

“You understood Maeglin when no one else can.” Ecthelion said.

“Yes,” Feanor said.

“Maeglin was a great craftsman as well; I see the similarity…I did not think you felt like an outcast in Valinor when you are known as the greatest of all the Noldor,” Ecthelion said.

“Just because you are the greatest, does not mean you do not experience despair. It is lonely at the top, Ecthelion. I do not want to be there again,” Feanor said, whispering the last sentence.

Ecthelion looked at Feanor before walking in front of him and opening the door. Ecthelion closed the door behind Feanor. Ecthelion then walked ahead of him to open the door of Maeglin’s room.

“I will go to my room,” Ecthelion said as he watched Feanor expertly place Maeglin on his bed without turning the Feanorian lamp on.

“Good night,” Feanor said.

“Good night,” Ecthelion said.

Feanor wrapped Maeglin with his blanket and left his room. Feanor entered his room and sighed; he was happy that Maeglin felt better and Ecthelion also felt better.

* * *

The next day, Penlod, Rog and Duilin faced Maeglin who was kneeling in front of them. Beleg, Gwindor and Gelmir stood with Ecthelion as the girls were chatting about what was happening in front of them.

“Stand up,” Rog said, pulling Maeglin up.

Maeglin stood up; Rog then scratched his nape awkwardly.

“I am sorry too, for treating you like an outcast. I know I was also a factor to your pain. You were young and did not deserve to be treated like a lesser individual,” Rog said.

“Thank you,” Maeglin said.

“I am sorry too; we never looked out for you when you needed a friend…but that does not mean I forgive you,” Duilin said.

“I know, Duilin and thank you for your apology,” Maeglin said.

Penlod sighed;

“I also do not accept your apology; however, I am willing to live with you; do not expect me to start a conversation with you.” Penlod said.

“Of course; I would not want that either,” Maeglin said.

Penlod pouted then he sighed again;

“I am also sorry; we were being cruel to you and you did not deserve our hatred when the one we despised was your father, for attempting to kill you and killing our princess. I am sure all of us here are sorry that we believed you do not deserve any love and that the love the king gave was not deserved when in reality, no one deserves a love borne out of guilt for it is filled with pain. I am sorry,” Penlod said.

“Thank you, Penlod,” Maeglin said.

Beleg clapped as Gaeldes cheered;

“I like this atmosphere better;” Beleg said.

“We did not say we forgive each other!” Rog exclaimed.

“Yes, but one day you will;” Beleg said with a wink.

“At least the two sides are willing to try to forgive and at least you both apologized to one another,” Gaeldes said, taking the hands of Maeglin and Duilin and smiling up at them.

Feanor headed out, carrying a tray of bread and cheese on one hand and a blanket on the other; beside him was Frodo who seemed deep in thought.

“Frodo!” The children except Maeglin approached Frodo who smiled at them.

Mithrellas introduced Maeglin to Frodo who looked shocked then he smiled;

“Hello Maeglin; Feanor told me that he fetched you when I arrived here in Lumbamar. How do you like it so far?” Frodo asked.

“It is…better than the halls,” Maeglin said.

“Of course it is,” Frodo said with a small smile.

They gathered around the blanket. They ate except for Frodo.

“Why are you not eating, Frodo?” Nimrodel asked.

“Oh, I am not hungry,” Frodo said.

“Not hungry?” Gwindor asked, looking at the others disbelievingly.

They shrugged;

“Is something troubling you?” Rog asked.

Frodo sighed;

“Not everyone is happy that our minder is Feanor in Valinor; when they found out that Feanor is our minder, there is division amongst the people. The Valar are trying to quell the unrest,”

“Of course not everyone would be happy but I do not care; they are not my wards, you are. If Nienna, Namo and Irmo are unhappy with what I am doing, they are free to tell me so. If you are unhappy, you tell me and like I said before, you can leave.” Feanor said as he ate the bread and cheese.

“This arrangement is unconventional but, I like it here,” Mithrellas said.

Frodo smiled; 

“It is unconventional but, in his way, he helps,” Frodo said, glancing at Feanor.

“He does,” Gelmir said.

Frodo smiled at Gelmir and patted his back. Meanwhile, Beleg was thinking about Feanor’s attitude towards the judgment he is facing from the people.

“It does not get to you?” Beleg asked, looking at Feanor.

“The judgment? At first it did; I let their judgments affect the way that I live. Now, their judgments mean nothing.” Feanor said.

“I see,” Beleg said, looking at the bread and cheese thoughtfully before taking a bite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Feanor is making hash browns  
> (2) Let’s pretend that elves blush. Hehe!
> 
> For next chapter, we will meet someone again. We will also delve deeper into the relationships of our occupants.


End file.
